3 years out of In-Patient: What I know now & What I’m still learning

I was going through my things while preparing for an imminent move when I found a binder. It was full of worksheets and papers from my time in an in-patient mental health facility over 3 years ago. 

That binder held papers, notes, and my schedule for those 21 or so days. It told me what my day had in store, when dinner was, and when my groups would end. It was my lifeline to some sense of normalcy while I was in the facility, similar to the planners you would see in grade school.

By my own volition and desire, I spent my 22nd birthday (my golden birthday) in that facility. It was a conscious decision, as I was so severely depressed, and all I wanted for my birthday was something that felt promising. 

At the time, I was about to enter my second semester of graduate school, so I took off from the summer semester, a decision that I have never regretted.

I have since graduated with my master’s degree and often look back and feel immense gratitude for the support and means that allowed me to take time for my mental health. I also feel frightened at the idea that we don’t commonly provide the space for students (whether it be in life or academia) to pursue mental health treatment. 

Ironically, my experience with mental health struggles and having to take time off of college to pursue treatment has undoubtedly helped me in my professional life, and given me an edge in understanding the nuances of college pressure. I work at a community college and assist students with various disabilities, often hearing about the overwhelming feeling that they experience with classes. 

It is not uncommon for the onset of mental health issues to arise around college age, and the need for students to be aware of the resources and support out there for them is rampant. Thankfully, there has been an increase in mental health help in recent years. Between 2019 and 2021, studies showed that the number of adults (aged 18 – 44) who received mental health treatment jumped from 18.5% to 23.2%. 

Given this, I firmly believe that speaking about these topics and allowing for a conversation about taking time for yourself is absolutely necessary. I acknowledge that not every person has the chance to do this, whether they are working, in school, or taking care of a family, but I think the conversation is worthy of having so we can push the door open slowly.

All that said, I threw that binder away that night. I felt a bit sad- what if I wanted that nostalgia? What if 10 years from now, I wanted the schedule from June 1st, 2021?

Well, I might want it, which is part of why I threw it away. I am still working on the goal of letting things go and not anticipating the future, what I will or won’t want, and what will or won’t happen. 

Despite this, I am leaning more and more into the idea that our paths are designed with experiences that bring us to the correct places at the correct time. I have always been a firm believer in this, but it becomes more and more evident to me as I see how my struggles have hopefully guided me to being in a place where I can use that to connect with others.

Cheers to mental health help, in every form, and to anyone considering seeking help, I honor and applaud you. 

If you or anyone you know is struggling with substance use or an emotional crisis, help is available. Text or call 988 or chat 988lifeline.org to speak with a caring counselor 24/7.

Works Cited:

Terlizzi EP, Schiller JS. Mental health treatment among adults aged 18–44: United States, 2019–2021. NCHS Data Brief, no 444. Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics. 2022. DOI: dx.doi.org/10.15620/cdc:120293.