NoelleSeven years ago, I sat at the top of the stairs, my knees pulled into my chest, wanting nothing more than to cry but being unable to. I was too tired to cry. I was too tired to lie to my mom when she asked if I had made myself throw up after dinner. I was too tired to stop the connections I saw forming in her brain as she added up all the “stomach aches,” missed dinners, obsessive running, “I already ate”-s, and declining grades.
Seven years ago, I was too tired for anything. With the last ounce of strength I thought I had, I told my mom I didn’t want to do it anymore. I did the closest thing I could manage to ask for help, and at that time, asking meant not denying.
For months I went through hell to heal. Prozac; talk therapy; the humiliation as I sat in front of my guidance counselor as my mom explained my eating disorder; the frustration of being monitored all the time; the peer positive image group in school — day by day, piece by piece, I was made to face my Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. It was a label that I hated because it made me feel as if, even in mental illness, I had fallen short. Day by day, and piece by piece, my parents, my therapist, my doctors, my friends, and my family worked to let the girl they used to know — the girl I used to know — resurface. But for months, I remained without change.
Finally, my therapist, Tonya, asked me, “Do you want to live?”
Did I want to live? What the hell did that mean? Of course I wanted to live. I just wanted to live skinny. Beautiful. In control. What was so wrong about that?
“She’s jealous,” I decided. “She’s jealous because she’s not as skinny. She wants me to stop so she can win. I’m not going to die. I’m seventeen. Seventeen-year-olds don’t just die.”
But that question stuck with me. It stuck with me as I packed lunch in the morning, knowing I would just throw it away. It stuck with me as I forced myself to still go running, despite a bad upper respiratory infection. It stuck with me as I spent hours searching for weight loss tips and diet plans instead of resting or getting homework done. And it stuck with me as I watched my parents watch me with worry, wanting to say something but forcing themselves to be quiet.
Did I really want to live?
Months after Tonya had asked, I walked into my therapy session and said, “I do. I do want to live. Help me.”
I thought that getting to the point where I accepted help would be the hardest part of recovery. It wasn’t. Recovery itself was a thousand times harder. It was like trying to start a fire on a windy day with wet matches: every time there was a spark, I had to fight like hell to keep it from being blown out. And even then, sometimes it would get blown out anyway. I would backslide, sometimes one or two steps, sometimes 50. Every day I reminded myself that I wanted to live, no matter how hard it was. I wanted to be able to go on a date and eat. I wanted to enjoy my mom’s cooking again. I wanted to eat my grandma’s tamales at Christmastime and not be worried about the fact that every tamale recipe is different and there was no surefire way of knowing how many calories were in each one.
I clawed my way back to recovery over months. And finally, Tonya looked at me and said, “I think that this might be our last appointment. What do you think?”
Every siren in my head went off. “I thought you wanted me to live! Why are you giving up on me?”
“I’m not giving up on you. You’re ready for this. You’re ready to not give up on you. And most importantly, you want to live. So go live. And if you need me, I am here.”
I thought that realizing I wanted to live and learning how to manage my eating disorder was the whole of the battle. Now I’m learning how to manage that disorder and grow in my independence at the same time. When I was in therapy, I never failed alone. Now, though I can reach for help, in the end I am solely responsible for my recovery, for my life, and for my story.
When I was in therapy, my parents helped me monitor what and when I ate. Now I have to monitor myself. When I miss a meal I have to ask myself, “Why did you skip lunch? Were you just too busy? Not hungry? Or are you backsliding?” When I was in therapy, Tonya helped me regulate my responses to daily stress in a positive outlet. Now I have to find my voice at work, in relationships, in life, and be able to say, “I am feeling overwhelmed, tired, stressed, sad, frustrated and I need a minute to process.” Now I remind myself that I am human, prone to error, and I have to forgive myself.
Now I remind myself that part of my role as a survivor is education of others.
What I have learned in the past seven years is:
- I am responsible for my peer situations and I have to advocate for myself.
- It’s okay to choose recovery over friends, work, relationships and other instances. If I have been upfront and honest, and those situations are still jeopardizing my recovery, there is nothing wrong with walking away. In fact, there’s everything right with it.
- I am only as sick as my secrets. I give my eating disorder power when I hide it. I have to be willing to tell the necessary people that I have an eating disorder and ask for their support when I need it.
- Ask for help. If I’m starting to struggle, or I know a particularly stressful situation is approaching, I’ll reach out to my friends and ask them to help me help myself. Whether it’s a text reminder at mealtimes, an invitation at mealtimes or just a check-in, it helps me stay on track.
- Relapses happen. When they do, I try not to get so caught up on feeling bad about it. Instead, I ivest that energy on working through it and continuing to commit to my healthiest, happiest self.
- Keep fighting for recovery. It is an everyday commitment, even after treatment ends.
Katherine
Comments
288Thank you for this. The second bullet about recovery being the most important thing really opened my eyes. I am 18, and graduating high school this week. I have done nothing but stress about school and starting college and I’ve let my mental health fly back out the window. I can even look at myself anymore and I need a break but Im too afraid to ask for one. What will happen with school? Will they rescind my offer and my scholarships? I have needed to prioritize my health for a long time now and I keep putting it to the back burner. Im confused and I don’t know what to do.
Kira, I noticed that no-one has responded to your comment yet so I thought I would. I hope that’s ok. Please reach out to someone you trust and voice your feelings. You must take care of yourself. Please stop going through your life with a mask that doesn’t allow other people to see your struggles. You are not alone. There are people who can help. It is important for you to make sure you are healthy physically and mentally. Take care of yourself because the stress will only get worse if your don’t learn to balance things and take care of yourself too. I wish I could give you a big hug. (Not trying to be creepy.) I speak from experience. My daughter almost died when she was your age. She is now doing great but she needed to find out how to be healthy. You can do the same. You are worth it!
Michelle: Thanks so much for caring and encouraging Kira as well as sharing your story. We are glad you are able to connect and support each other also we encourage you to call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for support!
im scared about life not dieing but living i am twelve years old and ive had suicidal thoughts everyday since i was ten…
Isabella, no matter what you are going through, hurting yourself is never the answer. The Lifeline is here for anyone struggling with difficult emotions. The call is free and confidential, so don’t hesitate to contact us at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Your life matters!
Im a 9 year old foster child. I feel like killing myself. My councilors ask if im ok, But i lie every time and say ¨yup! im feeling better than ever. My friends have depression so do i But i dont want to feel that way. I dont want to give up on my mom and dad. I dont want to die!
Sarah, we’re glad you don’t want to die. If you need someone to talk to, remember that the Lifeline is here for you any time day or night, every day of the year at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Your life matters!
Hey isabella, were the same age and i also have something similar to you. Everyday i dont want to get up, i sleep almost all day because i like the feeeling of not existing. Just being nothing and around no one..
yeah i just started middle school and its really stressful and every time i make 1 little mistake i wanna kill myself i kinda feel like doing that right now :’-(
best aryutdc kfjvfivh ,fnvkhvf mihvdfv f
Kira: We are so sorry that you are going thru this. You don’t have to feel alone. The Lifeline is here for you any time day or night at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Don’t hesitate to call us. Your life matters
My family is homophobic except for my sister and I’m pansexual. I’ve been telling my sister about me cutting myself, taking 10 pills a day, and thoughts that I’ve had, but she makes jokes about it and never takes it seriously. I’m in 7th grade and my family thinks they know everything about me, but they really don’t. I’ve talked to my friends and they never take it seriously. I feel like one day, which is soon, that they will take it seriously once I’m not here anymore.
Amara- We are very concern about you , please call us right away at 1800-273-TALK ( 8255) the call is free and confidential. No matter what is happening is not worth self harm.
I feel the same way about my friends Amara. It’s like they don’t really take it seriously. I haven’t really talked about it with my family. I hate myself so much but maybe if I just kill myself it will all be over.
hey amara im a lesbian and im too scared to come out but you are right its not a joke and its something that needs to be taken seriously but if you ever need to talk I’m here [email protected]
you got this if you need to talk to another lgbt person I’m a lesbian and I don’t think that’s much of a joke [email protected]
I’m in the same situation as you are. My parents don’t take me seriously, better yet, they just don’t understand that I’m hurting. I’m in 5th grade and I’ve been feeling this way since 2nd.
My parents think I’m lieing but I’m not one more day in my life and I’ll be gone
Jon: No matter what you are going through suicide is not the answer. Please give us a call at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), your life matters!!!!.
We are here 24/7/ for support
mine do to my adoptive mom thinks that im stealing which i am but its not that big of a deal like i borrowed my sisters fitbit with out asking. she just doesnt understand that she might not have me anymore. i do want to end it tonight but at the same time i dint cause i have something to live for i can feel it but i dont know what.
Hi Kayla, if you need someone to talk to right now, remember that the Lifeline is here for you any time day or night, every day of the year at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Please give us a call. We also have an online chat service if you prefer, please use the private link below to chat with a Lifeline counselor. We want to help you.
http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
Jon I hope your doing ok.
Jon, We hope you are doing well. Please remember that the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-8255) is available 24/7 if you need someone to talk to.
Me too they just dont care
Jon, you better not do it man. Im only 14 and i attemped twice. Please man if your feeling down, jjust give me a call or text, i want to make sure your safe dude. I don’t know you but i love you
323-714-5239
Kenneth, We are glad that you are here and we thank you so much for encouraging and supporting our community. And, if you ever need to talk to someone yourself, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline @ 800-273-8225. There will be someone available to talk to you anytime of the day or night.
Hi Kenneth,
I don’t know you but I wanted to tell you I love you. I am 11 ran away from home for 2 hours in the middle of the night, thought about killing myself, and almost cut myself. People like you are my new motivation.
Hi Kaitlyn, I wanted to run away to but I didn’t instead I cut myself I just wanna die
hey Jon i feel the same i told my mom how i felt and they think I’m faking it but one day they’re gonna see like my birthday is in 14 days I don’t wanna be sad
hi i so ive been going through so dark times cause i feel as a dissapointment to my family im not really good at math and im not getting good grades my dad is disspointed but i dont want to tell them im getting thoughts i just want to scream..
Hello , Thank you for sharing If you need emotional support, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK(8255). The call is free and confidential, and crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you. The Lifeline is there for everyone. There is a chat available 24/7 at http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
My parents have divorced when i was 1, so i never saw my dad. my adoptive parents think that im lazy, dumb, and stupid. when i go to sleep at night, i always cry and think about ending it. i don’t have a therapist because i never tell my parents what’s going on because the don’t believe me. i need some help.
Same. My grades went down because of mental health. I started getting depression around October last year. There were multiple points I wanted to die so I told my parents and they only made me want to die more. My parents are really horrible. I called in prevention numbers, texted suicide prevention numbers but it only helped for a few minutes. No one picked up the phone. I ended up getting so depressed that I gave up on school and my grades fell completely and then my parents, instead of understanding me, started to scream at me for bad grades. I asked them if I could quit school and I couldn’t and I asked them if I can take a gap year and I couldn’t at all. My depression started getting worst after that because I couldn’t even recover with all the exam stress and late night sleep. It’s horrible. I could have died multiple times already but I am still alive because I really want to live.
Hi Angela, I’m not sure if you’ll see this but I hope you’re feeling at least a little better.
Keep holding on and please, please, please don’t let go. No matter how hard it gets, don’t let your thoughts take hold of you. Keep living.
I have no idea who you are but I really care about you Angela. You’re not alone. Please don’t hurt yourself.
If you (or anyone else who wants to talk for that matter) happen to see this, 321-355-8883 is my number. I’m 14 and you can call me Ari. Text me, we can talk. I’m glued to my phone, I won’t miss you.
It’s good to read these stories. In the midst of the daily storms we all go through, it’s good to know that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel ?
Thank you for sharing your encouraging words and promoting Suicide Prevention. Like our page and share. Also we have the chat available 24/7 at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
Jus need hope
We are here to help anyone in need of emotional support 24/7. If you would like to talk please call us at 1800-273-8255. The Facebook Messenger pilot is no longer available to speak back in forth. If you are more comfortable chatting online by text please use the private link below to chat with Lifeline counselor. We want to help you. Your life matters! For live chat you can contact http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
I’m also in a tough situation
Hello Kyle, Thank you for writing to us and I am sorry to hear you are going through a tough time right now. Our You Matter Blog is not meant for any type of crisis intervention, however the Lifeline crisis counselors are here for you any time day or night, every day of the year at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The call is free and confidential. Reach out and let us help you through.
I’m a 14 year old kid from India. I had a seizure recently and its been affecting my health. If i had a choice to go back in time, I would definitely choose that. I lie to my counsellor about my mental health. I have a lot of suicidal thoughts and I wanna cry but I can’t bring myself to do it. I seriously want all this to go away. I hope you’re doing well now. God bless you. If there’s anyone out there who can help , please..I would really appreciate it.
Hi Rishhit, I just saw your comment and I want you to know that I’m sorry for what happened to you. I hope you’ve seen some good days since you posted, but I understand how terrible it feels to constantly have suicidal thoughts run through you. You’ve got a lot more strength than you know, and I have to remind myself that too, to funnel through those thoughts out. I hear you and am virtually hugging you. 🙂
I’m 10 and want to kill my ugly self because I hate me. Do I have to talk to my parents about getting help or can I just get it. I’m desperate and want to kill myself.
hi i just wanted to say we have the same name
This means a lot… Really had a lot to think about, but still…
Brian, how are you doing?
Thank you for sharing your story. Stories like the ones you shared really make me think that I can make it and that I can actually get help. Thank you again!
Thanks for being strong and getting through it and for sharing your powerful story!<3
i want to kill myself but i dont want to
Austin: I am so sorry that you are struggling. I encourage you to contact the Lifeline at T 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You are not alone.
It feels like I’m alone and I thought about my whight so much that if I could I’d die. But right now,after reading this, its not worth it
We are so very glad that you are here.
I wanted to die,but now don’t want to because i k I’m not alone
Katelyn, We are glad that you are here. We care about you. If you ever need someone to talk to, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-8255. You matter to us.
Jon, you better not do it man. Im only 14 and i attemped twice. Please man if your feeling down, jjust give me a call or text, i want to make sure your safe dude. I don’t know you but i love you
323-714-5239
Kenneth, thank you for participating in our community and supporting others.
I feel so alone and I’m twelves and I’ve attempted twice and I cut so Yea please don’t hate me ik I’m only twelve but this is just how I am so yea help if you can
Gillian, I am sorry to hear you are feeling so alone right now but hurting yourself is never the answer. Don’t hesitate to call The Lifeline for support at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). We are here for you 24/7/365.
Hope you get better
Hey! Thanks for going out of your way to help other people! Thank you for trying even though you might be suffering too! Iḿ 14 and I’ve gone through lots also! You are all amazing, and remember that we are all here for eachother! Hang in there everyone!
Austin, I hope you are ok. Please reach out to someone to talk.
Noelle, thank you for sharing your story. It’s been over a year now. How are you doing? Are you happy? I’m asking because I’m trying to understand what my daughter is going through. She is 14. No eating disorder but stressed about school. She has ADD so that doesn’t help.
Anyhow, I’m glad you are better.
Karen,
I am doing well. Happiness ebbs and flows. I am proud of everything that I have accomplished but with those accomplishments comes stress and with stress becomes the desire to relapse. I wish i could help you understand what your daughter is going through, but all of us feel stress differently. The way I cope with my stress is by channeling it into something productive. I run when i feel stressed and focus on the sound of my feet on the pavement, the blood rushing in my ears. I write and put down the worries i have into a list, and then work through what I can do to solve it or let it go. I swear by a weighted blanket…it’s helped me sleep and a good night of sleep helps me start the morning clear headed and without stress.
The most important thing I can tell you is love your daughter. Make sure she knows that. Understand her stress, even if you don’t understand why she’s stressed. Ask her what would help.
I hope that helps a bit. And thank you. Living a life in recovery when the world can be a stressful place, but is so worth it. We all deserve to experience life fully and truly, without being limited by stress.
I
Hope your daughter learns how to manage her stress.
Noelle, thank you for participating in our community, sharing your story, and supporting others here.
life sucks
Ruth, If you are struggling, please call one of our counselors at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline @ 800-273-8255. They are available for you 24/7.
Karen, thank you for participating in our community and supporting others. If you ever need extra emotional support yourself don’t hesitate to call The Lifeline. Our crisis counselors are here for you any time day or night, every day of the year at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
I can relate to your daughter on such a personal level. I’m 14 as well and have ADD. I am now a freshman in high school and stressing about school.
i’m 11 and currently hate life
Thank you for reaching out. I am sorry to hear you are feeling upset. If you need to talk about what you are going through please don’t hesitate to call The Lifeline for support at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). We are here for you 24/7/365. We care.
Jess God loves you and has an incredible plan for your life. Life can be hard but also can be so wonderful. Hang in there. Know that you are loved and that you matter. Talk to your parents, a help line but never never give up as you still have so much to live for and you are very much needed.
I keep getting in trouble, and I think that my parents don’t love me. I just want to end my life already.
Jose,
No matter how hard things are- hurting yourself is never the answer. The Lifeline is here for you any time day or night at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Don’t hesitate to call us for extra support. Your life matters!
Jose, I feel the same way
I’m twelve so I’m with you
omg that is so me rn i hate life + im 11 i just wanna die but i don’t uhhhhg i cant decide im going crazy…….
Thank you, Noelle, for the insight. My daughters stress relief is being on her phone but that’s the problem too. I’ll try and use some of your other ideas. Writing down in a journal may help.
Thx again. Glad you are doing ok.
My parents think that I alwase lie to them when I’m not one more hour and ill be In a better place
Damien: You life matters!, please call us at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), we are here 24/7 for you no matter what is it that you are going through.
WOW why do you treat yourself like this . If anything, I should be in your shoes.
no i should
i dont deserve to live
why am I alive: No matter what problems you are struggling with, hurting yourself isn’t the answer. Your life matters! In order to talk to a Crisis Counselor, please call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The call is free and confidential; we’re here for you 24/7/365. You deserve to live and be happy!!
Yes you do
Jackson Hubbard, thank you for participating in our community and supporting others.
Im always depressed, i have anxiety, insecurities, and i just want to die but i dont.. i want to live a future but just hoping to be happy, and everytime i try to open up to my parents they laugh at me and think its a joke. one day i cut myself and told my mom and she said she was gonna whoop me… i needed help and no one is there for me except maybe 2 friends others get sad then try to change the subject… but those 2 try to help but its not enough, im not doing self harm anymore but im still struggling.
Hey NOTSAYING, I’m sorry you’re not finding the support you need from your parents. I wonder if your mom was so scared that you’d cut yourself and it came out as anger? I know as a mom I would be so afraid but sometimes as parents we don’t know what to do for our kids when they’re hurting. I hope you’ll trust the people at Lifeline and call them. You absolutely deserve to be heard, loved and understood. I feel the pain in your struggles and wish you the very best.
Thank you Amy for sharing and encouraging others at the Youmatter Blog.
Hey, I feel the exact same way. I thought I was the only one. I’m recovering from 80 days of torturous suicidal thoughts that made me unable to function, and I had a small relapse today. But your life is ALWAYS worth fighting for. Don’t give up, and even though I don’t know you, I’m proud of your strength.
Carrie, thank you for sharing your story with us. If you know anyone that may need more support in their lives, we are here at the Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK-8255.
If you read this, I just wanted to know how you are doing. I am 19 and I’m always worried everyday about my future. I came here to read stories of others and it kind of helps to think I’m not the only one dealing with frustration and sadness every damm day. I hope we can both get through this.
It’s good that you are reaching out and talking about your feelings. You are not alone, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is here for you 24/7 800-273-TALK (8255)
same thing here
If you need someone to talk to please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline @ 800-273-8255. There is someone to talk to you 24/7
Hey, I saw your name and want you to know that you are worth more than you can comprehend. I love you and am praying for you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and never doubt that. I hope you are doing well and know that you are worth caring about and that I care about you.
wow im so sorry 2 hear that i really am
I truly don’t want to die, but sometimes it appears as if though it is the best option. My problems are often underestimated due to my age. To put it into simpler words, I’m dealing with alot on my plate, my house has burned down, my father reccently got incarcerated, I’m dealing with stress with school. It is truly great to hear that other people are also going through the same issues. Thank you Noelle for sharing your story.
At times life may seem meaningless, but we want to help you find hope. The Lifeline’s crisis counselors are here for you any time day or night. Please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Your life matters!
This was a nice story… I just want to be happy. I want to stop feeling like I can’t do anything. I want to be perfect. How can you do that when everything you care about is stripped away, and when your own family isn’t supportive?
Tina-If you are struggling with some tough emotions or feeling lonely, don’t hesitate to call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). We are here to listen!
I feel the same way…
Emily, Please know that there are counselors available to talk to you 24/7 at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-8255). Please don’t ever feel alone.
I have recently felt depressed and every time I sit in my room and cry as I think about killing myself. I never want to do that. My parents even come up to me and ask me whats wrong and I say nothing even though there is. Help…Plz
Brendan, It sounds like you are really struggling. Please know that you are not alone. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and speak to someone immediately 24/7. There is also the Lifeline Crisis Chat program available 24/7, if you are more comfortable chatting. However, chat queues may be long so if you are in crisis, I suggest calling the Lifeline.
I’m a Mom who just learned her male college student is having thoughts of suicide. How do I get them to get help? He doesn’t want to talk………any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
CJ- We are concerned for your son as well. Please encourage them to call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The call is free and confidential, and crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist. To learn more about the Lifeline, visit our website: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
I often feel really depressed but I do not know if I clinically have depression, sometimes I get so depressed I think about what might happen IF I die, I mean I go to therapy on Mondays but I’m just so scared to tell people. My mom thinks I might have moderate anxiety which I can agree with but I just want some support. one time at church camp (yee im religious) I wanted prayer so one of my really close friends offered to pray for me so I said “hey lately I’ve had really low self-esteem and I feel like I’m worthless sometimes ;/” she said she would pray for me but would also tell her mom.. I started getting really scared but she said she would hide my name. I want to be able to share things like this with people but I don’t know how.. I’m really insecure about a lot of things and I’m scared of being judged for it. Ever since my parents divorced (they divorced when I was in either 3rd or 4th grade, I am almost done with 7th grade right now) I have just been getting slightly sadder and sadder throughout the years. I’m 13 years old and I feel scared and alone please reply to this comment I don’t know what life is anymore.
Rena, we’re so sorry for all the struggles you are going through with the divorce and the sadness and we want to help. If life ever feels like it’s not worth living, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential, and crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you.
recently so much has happened and i don”t think i can take it anymore. my entire family found out about me self harming while i was asleep (months ago). they checked my arms, and because my parents and older sister are social workers, instead of trying to help me, they threatened to send me to a mental institution or a group home. . .
a couple months back to school, my mother told my counselor to take me away from my zero period, band, and all of my honors classes that i’ve had since elementary school. instead of trying to help me, they took away everything i worked hard for. they tell me to not end up like my older sister, so now all of the weight is on me.
but at home, it’s such a bad place to be. all of my sisters call me names, including my parents. “bitch, slut, hoe, worthless piece of trash, ugly, fat, annoying, pathetic”, etc.. they know i’m in pain, but they make it worse. i’m trying so hard, but i’m terrified. i feel like no one is here for me, and i know there are hotlines and counselors, but i get so embarrassed about talking about my actual problems. i feel weak. and i’m at that point where i just don’t want this anymore. there are moments when i am smiling and singing my favorite songs at the top of my lungs, and that whole world just crumbles with whatever they say or do. i’m tired of it all.
i’m sorry.
Abby, we’re so sorry for all the struggles you are going through with your family and how they’ve chosen to address the discovery of self harming, but hurting yourself is never the answer. We want to help. If life ever feels like it’s not worth living, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential, and crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you. We hope to hear from you shortly.
i’ve read almost everyone’s reply, everyone’s stories, and i constantly see “hurting yourself is never the answer.”
i hate saying this, but i did it recently. and i’m scared. i don’t know what to do anymore. i feel awful, and i don’t fully trust anyone to talk to about this.
i can’t sleep (i don’t want to be alone).
i can’t eat (i always hate myself for just feeding my own body.)
i can’t do simple things like work out or practice playing my instrument (i feel as if it’s not important anymore. nothing matters.it’s been months).
i’m sorry.
abby garcia,
There’s no need to apologize, we say hurting oneself is never the answer because it doesn’t help one in the long run to feel better, we want you to find healing and we’re sorry for all the struggles you are going through. We want to help and we invite you to please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential, and crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you. We hope to hear from you soon.
abba i really understand what u r going through my situation is king of similar except i am going to graduate high shool in a month!!!
Likitha,
Thank you for participating in our community and supporting Abby.
When I was a young girl, my grandma inspired me to the point where I felt I wanted to be an actress. When I lost my grandma, I felt so completely alone, I shut out acting, and everyone from my first year of high school. Before I ended that year, I made a plan that I wanted to go to school online, and go get a job. Move away from my parents. Now that I am starting my junior year, I am explaining this to my mom and she doesn’t even believe me. I feel hopeless, because she used to be my best friend, and I used to be able to tell her these things without her hating me a little inside when I mention this. Please help me someone, i have no one else to talk to.
Kyra Warren, we’re sorry to hear of the struggles you are going through with your family and we want to help. If you need someone to talk to, remember that the Lifeline is here for you any time day or night, every day of the year at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Your life matters!
i did it again……..
i feel like such an idiot.
i don’t want to talk, i just feel weak.
my friend’s dad past away yesterday and i’ve been crying ever since and everything feels worse. i need everything to stop..
what do i do..?
You need to remember they’re a people who are here for you…even though it may not seem like it. Please don’t hurt yourself…trust me, you won’t be able to look at yourself without seeing scar after scar….like me. I regret it and I’m only 14.
Hello Dreya, I appreciate your spirit and your efforts to be there and support others! Thank you so much! Don’t hesitate to call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) if you ever need extra support.
I dont like living now i live. My parents don’t care and realese anger on me (not abuse) they always yell at me and say they love me but don’t. My friends think i gay my family thinks I’m gay but im not. They grounded me for a year to my room for not reading a book and ever listen.my brother is and annoying jerk who does watever he wants and does not get grounded and annoys me all the time.Hes in seventh grade and cant spell words like honda,diesil,december,macaroni,and tons more. I asked him 1*1.5 he said 4. He makes me want to die.Im weak and scrawny (but eat more than avarage peoples) Oh yea and i always bump into things and accidentally hurt myself and broke my arm from falling and putting my hands out.
Robert, It sounds like you are struggling. Please know that the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7 if you need someone to talk to.
i just want to know if theres a way to do it painlessly.
Stephan, We are so sorry that you are struggling. Please do not hesitate to reach out the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline @800-273-8255. We are here for you 24/7.
To Stephen I don’t think so from a person who’s tried twice I think the goul is to feel so much pain then have it go away
NS, thank you for participating in our community and supporting Stephen.
To Stephen I don’t think so from a person who’s tried twice I think the goal is to feel so much pain then have it go away
NS, I sound like you are truly struggling and we want to help you. Please call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Our counselors are available to you 24/7. You matter to us.
Feeling drained emotionally hurt .pain anger mad all the time of the day the moment when I go back to it I was actually a happy girl when I was about 13 im 16 now.i started feeling severly toxic when we moved too Minnesota for 2 years.with a shiity boyfriend of my moms and we recently came too Florida im strugglin all over again.what do I do too be gappy again?. Not suicide.
I am sorry to hear that your are going through a lot. Please do not hesitate to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) Please know that we do care and are here to help.
I am 16 and going into 11th grade. I took a test to finish of a course that I did not take in because of medical problems, and I failed that test and to make matters worse I am being forced to retake that course with a 10th graders. I want to kill myself because I do not want to be in the same class as 10th graders.
Meghan, we’re so sorry for all the struggles you are going through and we want to help. If life ever feels like it’s not worth living, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential, and crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you. We hope to hear from you shortly.
I don’t want to because it will hurt my brother, but my mother tells me that I am 16 yet I have the brain of a 2 year old. She keeps comparing me to my brother who is 4 years younger than me. She tells me she is depressed because of my failures. I know she loves me, but sometimes I feel she would not care if I killed myself. I have so many medical issues that I am bullied non-stop. I am being sexually harvested by this one boy who I have told him to leave me alone, but he will not listen (this has been happening for a year). I just don’t think I can do anything right, and I was a mistake and I shouldn’t be here in this world
Meghan, again, we are sorry that you are going through so much. Sometimes certain situations are hard to handle, but hurting yourself is never the answer. The Lifeline is here for you any time day or night at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Please don’t hesitate to call us for extra support. Your life matters! We care.
You are not a mistake. You are a wonderful young women. No matter what you are going through always know that you matter. You are here for a bigger purpose. I understand not knowing where you are and feeling like you don’t belong, please know that is all lies told to you by the devil. It is not true. I don’t know if you’ll see this, but even if you don’t, I am praying for you and love you, and hope you are doing better.
I have told someone about my depression before but it just made me even more depressed. They tried to take me away from the family that, at the time, I loved more than anything… I want to ask for help but I don’t want to have to go through even more. I don’t want to have to be pushed even further, no matter what it means for me, because I know what will happen if I get even the slightest push to be happy again. I can’t go through that hell again…
Morgan, I’m sorry to hear that you had that experience and of all the struggles with depression you’re going through and we want to help. Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential, and crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you.
I have told someone about my depression before but it just made me even more depressed. They tried to take me away from the family that, at the time, I loved more than anything… I want to ask for help but I don’t want to have to go through even more. I don’t want to have to be pushed even further, no matter what it means for me, because I know what will happen if I get even the slightest push to be happy again. I can’t go through that hell again…
I haven’t felt truly happy since maybe 3rd grade or before. I am in 12th grade now. There was one girl in 6th grade that basically bullied everyone. I felt like I was her main target though. I’m adopted and my family has moved 6 times since I was adopted. I have two younger sisters and two older sisters both of which are adults. My oldest sister (most likely has a mental illness) yelled at me when I was trying to tell her how I feel about her treating mom. I have practically grown up with no friends all my life. Both my younger sister seem to take any friends I do have away from me. Most people think that they are doing the normal younger siblings being annoying thing, but it feels like they have gone too far and no one it feels like can see that. No one seems to pay attention to me. I have been talking with one person who I trust(the only person in my life right now that’s caring). I can’t call because I don’t want my parents to find out yet and I get way too nervous when talking on the phone. I have been writing poems on how I have been feeling (Starting at the end of June). I keep questioning myself. I might take my poems to the doctors office the next time I go (which might not be for a while though)
I’ve thought about running away, self harm, death, starving myself. I also have a hard time wanting to get out of bed in the morning. I randomly wake up at 3-4 am and have been for almost a week now.
I’m probably forgetting something….. but that’s it for now.
Lizzie, We are sorry that you are struggling. Please know that you are NOT alone. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline @ 800-273-8255 and speak to someone that really cares anytime of the day or night. We are here for you.
Dear Lizzie, I’m just a senior (the old kind, not the kind in high school). I have listened to lots of students talk about their lives in my little office. Write back, if you wish, Paula
Here is this one kid at my school who will not stop bothering me and he has touched me inappropriately. I have only told my best friend whom I trust with my life. He says tell someone but the way that boy who touched me has treated me he touched near the sex area and I feel this is my fault but my best friend says it’s not and I feel that what he has been doing is so bad that to get away from this I should just die. This is so humiliating I cannot even tell my parents
AnnIe, we’re so sorry for all the struggles you are going through with this boy and we want to help. If life ever feels like it’s not worth living, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. No matter how hard things are- hurting yourself is never the answer. The Lifeline is here for you any time day or night at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Don’t hesitate to call us for extra support. Your life matters!
I’m done with life. That kid almost raped me I ran. I felt so violated I can’t even tell my best friend I am so humiliated, that I do not know what life is anymore. Life is not a word in my vocabulary right now. I am afraid that kid will actually rape me and I will not be able to fight back. I am actually done. My grades are falling and I am getting in so much trouble I am not sure if me almost being raped is the reason.
my life is too much. I just wanna quit
Nicole,
We’re so sorry for all the struggles you are going through and we want to help. If life ever feels like it’s not worth living, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential, and crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you.
i feel so lonely and just sad for absolutely no reason. im suppose to be out and having fun because that’s what “teens do”. i hate myself so much. im on edge right now and i don’t know what to do.. I try talking to people about it but they don’t care or just think im “faking” it when im not. one day i was actually about to attempt it i had pills next to me and i just kept overthinking and felt guilty about it that i was going to leave my sister, after all we both went through that i was going to leave her like this. everyday seems to be getting harder and i just want it all to end. i have no one. absolutely no one anymore.
Miles, you are not alone. You have us and we absolutely care about what happens to you. Please call the Lifeline (800-273-8255) there will be someone waiting to talk to you 24/7. Don’t struggle alone, we are here.
miles, you mean everything to so many people. you are not alone. the people you least expect are there for you. im sorry you feel so sad. please don’t kill yourself. you’re too amazing for that.
Done with life my grades are slipping I just took a physics test and only got 1 right. My parents are going to kill me and I am completely dead inside. I was a really good student and I am a junior in high school. My parents expect so much of me and I feel I never will be able to give them the happiness that my YOUNGER brother gives them. They seem to love him more just because a number is higher(score number) I am done done done done done. Been having suicidalr thoughts every since junior year started and the first grade went into the gradebook.
AlexSis, we’re so sorry for all the struggles you are going through with school and your family and we want to help. If life ever feels like it’s not worth living, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. No matter how hard things are- hurting yourself is never the answer. The Lifeline is here for you any time day or night at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Don’t hesitate to call us for extra support. Your life matters!
Alexis I also never had the best grades in school. I am sorry your parents have not yet seen how amazing you are. God has created us all differently. I am successful even though my grades weren’t great. You have a skill set that only you have. Know that you are truly loved and are definitely needed. Talk to your parents let them know how you feel. Believe in yourself you Are Worth It!!!!!!!!
Kari, thank you for supporting and encouraging our community.
Right now, as I sit in my chair, I’m crying because if I try to ask my mom for help, all she is going to do is tell me to stop being dramatic. I’m 14. I can’t just die at 14 when I have so much to live for. It just hurts. I feel like everything is crumbling around me. Ever since school has started, I have been having trouble turning in work. Lately, EVERY SINGLE WEEK I am having the same talk with my parents about my schoolwork. I am a freshman in high school. I keep telling them that I’m just trying to adapt to this new change in my life, but they say I keep giving the same excuse. I just want everything to end. I’m about to leave the high school I’m currently in because I’m not turning my work in like I need to. This high school is my DREAM HIGH SCHOOL! It specializes in theatre! I love it so much and now I have to leave. I would rather die before leaving that school.
Maya, please remember that you are never alone. The Lifeline (800-273-8255) has counselors available to talk to you 24/7. Don’t ever struggle alone.
Hi Maya, Your story actually sounds a lot like mine. I’m fourteen, but I’ve been dealing with depression since I was Eleven. I still feel so fresh and new to life, but at the same time, I feel like I don’t want to be alive. I don’t want to have to be shoved to the ground again, and not be able to land on my feet. I want the people who love me to truly be there for me because I feel like they aren’t. I want my dad- the man who’s supposed to guide me and show me how I’m supposed to view other men to STEP IT UP! I know you posted your comment a while ago, so I hope you are doing well. Just know I love you, and I haven’t even met you. Being brave enough to talk about your struggles are so important. Good luck.
Hello Dreya, Thank you for reaching out to our community and encouraging others! It sounds like you’re going through a lot and i would hope for the better for your dad to step up and be the person you need him to be. Don’t hesitate to call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) if you ever need extra support. The call is free and confidential and counselors are available 24/7.
Dreya, I am completely new to my stress at 12 years old. At the doctor’s office I scored moderately severely depressed. I seem to be finally beginning my journey to recovery, but just so you know I understand. I feel like that kind of stress is the same kind I am going through, it feels like a loop you can get stuck in and not get out of. I think the key is to find ways to take your mind off of it. Good luck.
I love theater too and know how you feel about school. I hope everything worked out and that you are doing better. I know it’s been a few years and hope you are living your best life.
I am in my room sitting on the floor crying because my mom thinks i’m lying to he about homework almost everything in science is an F.I feel like killing my self I am 12 years old and I hate every second of my life.
Mom:You never do anything for me
Me:I fake a smile,hide my problems from yo to avoid you getting stressed,I cover my scars,I don’t talk to you so you don’t have to put up with me,and I pretend to be mentally stable.I GIVE UP!
Monisha, I am sorry to hear that you are feeling sad and upset. It sounds like your are going through tough moments. No matter what problems you are struggling with, hurting yourself isn’t the answer. Homework at times may become overwhelming and burdensome. Your life matters! Please call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) We are here 24/7 The call is free and confidential. We are here for you.
I’ve tried to bring myself to talk to the hotline but I never can. For the past few weeks, I have thought about ending everything because of my boyfriend. He has abused me and raped me and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried to talk to him but he won’t listen. I’ve tried to end our relationship but he won’t listen. My parents think I’m making it up and apparently there isnt enough evidence for the police to get involved. If someone could please give me advice I’d be very thankful.
We are very sorry that you are experiencing these things and we want to help you. If you do not want to talk over the phone, please consider visiting our website: suicidepreventionlifeline.org and choosing the “chat” option. However, if you reconsider and decide to call the lifeline (800-273-8255) there will be a counselor available to talk to you anytime of the day or night.
I can’t anymore. I can’t live knowing that everyday is going to be just like the previous. I always feel left out and when I act on those feelings, people say I am desperate. All I want is a chance to show the world that I am capable for life and I can survive. I don’t think i’m a bad person but I can’t live knowing that I need people but they don’t need me at all. If this is how my life is going to be I don’t want it anymore.
We’re so sorry for all the struggles you are going through and we want to help. If life ever feels like it’s not worth living, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential, and crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you.
Help
Brody, thank you for reaching out and we want to help you. Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline @800-273-8255. There will be a counselor available to talk to you 24/7. You matter to us.
Should I commit suicide?
Rose, your life matters, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) We are here 24/7 for you.
Honestly Ive though about suicide for the past year. At random moments ill just get tired of everything and decide that ill end my life. Obviously Ive been to scared to (seeing as im typing this now) but recently there have been times when I came very close to ending it all.
TAriq, we’re so sorry for all the struggles you are going through and we want to help. No matter how hard things are- hurting yourself is never the answer. The Lifeline is here for you any time day or night at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Don’t hesitate to call us for extra support. Your life matters!
I know that I am transgender FTM but my parent just don’t believe me…. I’m getting bullied at school and my grades are falling… my relationship with my parents… its not that well… i feel like im all alone, I want to end it all but at the same time i don’t…. i just can’t deal with this any more…
Hello Leo, It sounds like you’re going through a lot right now – remember, the Lifeline is here for you any time day or night, every day of the year at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Don’t hesitate to call us, your life matters!
i cant deal with life anymore because no one will understand
my mom already told me that she does not love me and my stepdad is harassing and mentally abusing me
i extremely want to kill myself but I also don’t want to do it
HELP ME PLEASE
Hello Drew, We’re so sorry for all the struggles you are going through and we want to help. If life ever feels like it’s not worth living, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The call is free and confidential, and crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you.
There are always people that will understand and listen to you. You are worth so much. Even though you may not find help in your family, you can always turn to friends to or someone else you trust. They won’t want you to end your life. Drew, please always remember how amazing and loved you are.
I feel the same way. I’m 14 and I feel fat and ugly because of what my parents and dietitian force fed me. None of my friends know I have anorexia but I feel disconnected from them as they grow on and I’m still stuck on my stupid body fat percentile and comparing myself to everyone else in my life. I feel like there’s no way out. Sometimes I just want to give up on living and see what would happen when my friends realize I’m dead. Would they even care or remember me?
Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are feeling sad and upset. If you need someone to talk to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) We are available 24/7
im to drained to do anything at this point. my sleep schedule is wack, and even when i do sleep for 18 hours straight i just cant anymore. i dont care about my safety anymore. i wish i could cry but my crying sessions are only about 10 seconds. I’m starting about every sentence with “i” or “im”haha how selfish. a family member died, i learned the truth about another, and all i hear is yelling. People notice im sad with saying “you seem sad today” but i wish i could respond with “im always sad,im just to tired to hide it”
all i wish for is everyone forgetting about me and me just living my life as a ghost. or not living anymore…
Madison obviously you are struggling with several different things right now. Please reach out and speak to one of our operators. They are there for you 24/7. Please reach out today and speak to someone 800-273-TALK (8255)
Im 15. My mom and dad are both alcoholics and very abusive. My friends all make jokes about suicide so i dont feel comfortable opening up to them. My girlfriend would kill me if she knew this. I have attempted suicide a total of 8 times. I have harmed myself in just about all the ways possible. As i type this, i am staring at my final noose as it hangs from a truss in my ceiling from a hole that i cut. Its just not worth it. Im done. I love my family. I live my friends. But its all just too much. Im a middle child out of 3. My siblings always pick on me. Its over. Im done. Your story was amazing, and i am sorry for everyone in the comments. I wish you all a good recovery and a happy life. Goodbye.
Hello i am so sorry that you are going through this right now. I Want to let you know that you matter please reach out to the lifeline for emotional support, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK(8255). The call is free and confidential, and crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you. The Lifeline is there for everyone. There is a chat available 24/7 at http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
I’m so sorry for everything that you’re going though. Even though you feel like you can’t talk to anyone right now, there are still people that care about you so much. Please don’t end your life. You mean so much to so many people. Your life can get better. There is so much more for you to love, and even more to love you back. You’re an amazing person.
Thank you for your support. If you or someone you know, needs someone to talk to, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) We are available 24/7
DONT DO IT. depression makes things look bad. Just try to forget about it.
I am 15 now. It’s two years after you posted but I have faith you are doing better. Please don’t do it. You are important and the devil twists things and makes us believe what isn’t true. There is always a better way. Though this was two years ago I am gonna pray you don’t do it. Maybe a weird time warp will happen or something but I believe things will get worked out for good.
Hey, Jon remember that there are still people that care about you even if your parents don’t understand what you are feeling. You’re amazing!
Me and my girlfriend just broke up… I recently learned she’d already had a cutting issue and I’m scared. After our breakup she’s been really stressed and sad. She feels unloved and I need advice on how to help her.
Hello thank you for reaching out if you are concern about your friend please reach out to 1800-273-TALK for more question to help your friend.
I’ve been suicidal for a year now. My dad tends to call me irresponsible and whenever I talk to him, I start crying once he leaves. I’ve done several unhealthy things to myself in the past year and I dont know what to do.
It sounds like you’re going through a lot right now – remember, the Lifeline is here for you any time day or night, every day of the year at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Don’t hesitate to call us, your life matters!
Hi my name is Ethan. I had my best friend get super mad at me and leave me with no friends. Me and her were so close. I would take a bullet for her. And when I was left alone, I cried all day and night. I need help. I have been thinking how the world would be better without me and think I have let my entire family down. She was one of my only friends and I care about her so much. But since this incident happened, I have been frequently thinking of suicide. If any one out there can help me, please do. I have been thinking why I exist and that it would be a lot better just to end up dead rather than deal with this. Our friendship means so munch to me and i would hate for it to go to waste. And my life too. I need help with the problem I am facing and if anyone has any ideas how to help please send me your thoughts and prayers. I hate to think that the action of pulling the trigger is now a reality, but this friendship means so much too me.
I feel fat and ugly and this relationship is the only thing I have left in this world, except for my family. But I feel like everyone thinks I am lying because I “only ten years old” but young people can have these problems to right? I don’t know. She is the only person or was the only person that could understand me. With my mental problems it gets harder every day to go on with life.
Hello Ethan I hear that you are struggling we want to be here for you please reach out to the lifeline for support. 1800-273-TALK(8255)
Hi ethan im 12 years old and my dad always says people my age and younger cant have problems. but listen im not about to say dont give up bc that crap annoys me like it doesnt really do anything, but do you want give up that bad? i mean think about when your older, start a family, have kids, a wife or girlfriend, have pets if you want live in a big house who knows?
Hello Ethan, Please reach out to the lifeline your life matters 1800-273-TALK(8255)
I have severe depression that has started since the middle(ish) of February. I really want to leave life, but am just too afraid to go through with it
Hello Anne I am sorry that you have been going through this please understand that you don’t have to go through this alone please reach out to the lifeline at 1800-273-TALK(8255) For additional resources and support, Remember your life matters.
I live in Russia and do not know much English. But it’s hard for me. Mom believes that I come up with something that sad and bad for me. When I wanted to commit suicide no one helped me. I don’t have the strength to talk to someone on the phone because I don’t know much English. But I have no strength left. I would be glad if anyone could talk to me. Because I’m scared. I’m afraid I’ll kill myself soon
Mellt, we’re so sorry for all the struggles you are going through and we want to help. No matter what problems you are struggling with, hurting yourself is never the answer. Your life matters! The Lifeline is a United States based service only – since you are not within the United States, please visit http://www.iasp.info to find out about service providers in your area.
I live in Russia and do not know much English. But it’s hard for me. Mom believes that I come up with something that sad and bad for me. When I wanted to commit suicide no one helped me. I don’t have the strength to talk to someone on the phone because I don’t know much English. But I have no strength left. I would be glad if anyone could talk to me. Because I’m scared. I’m afraid I’ll kill myself soon.I am 16 years old, but I hate myself, my life and my name.
So I’m only 15 and I’ve been having suicidal thoughts since I was 10 and no one understands what I go thru like my dad left and my mom drove my sister away which was the only person I loved and so over the years my depression and anxiety has gotten worse but no one can even see that I’ve been unhappy for 5 years almost 6 and ive tried overdosing 4 times and I’ve been cutting since I was 12 but what hurts the most is that I’m not afraid of dieing I’m afraid of living but no one can that it’s like they don’t know me at all and I don’t know what to do like the other day I layed down in the street hoping a car would run me over they didn’t so I got up and I stood there hoping one would hit me but nope and I just think I need help but no part of me wants it
Anayah, we’re so sorry for all the struggles you are going through with your family and we want to help. No matter how hard things are – suicide is never the answer. If life ever feels like it’s not worth living, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The call is free and confidential, and crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you.
Hi, I sometimes think to myself that my life could always be better, but I feel like I can’t do anything to make it better. Being 10, my parents expect me to be a good example to my 6 year sister. During my fourth grade, I got into big trouble by editing a score system on the games on an education site. My parents have less trust in me. I don’t feel like commiting suicide or harming myself, but I feel like my life is a thing that i can’t explain. My mom and dad do try to help me to get my feelings out, but I can’t explain. This George Floyd incident has me feeling this world will never be equal. Please help me. Avi Singa, a 10 year old.
Avi Singa, we’re so sorry for all the struggles you are going through and we want to help. Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The call is free and confidential, and crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you.
Hello. My name is Jordan. I am in 6th grade. Just notice to think to yourself something I like doing. You might have a favorite person or a favorite group of people. Ask yourself, “What would they do?” Think of a superhero, maybe. Think about how they can fight anything. I wrote a suicide note, but I don’t want to commit suicide. My dad doesn’t understand me and gets extremely mad when I tell him about my suicidal thoughts. I am fighting it every day, as it is very important. I try to tackle those issues away. You should try to do the best thing you can do. Think of good thoughts. Try your favorite video game or movie. Maybe try talking to the hotline.
Have a good day, and always know that you can do this.
So.. I also have an eating disorder, but also have many others, only listing a few, anxiety, depression, and D.I.D and I am an insomnia, not even mentioning I am 10… My parents have no clue about this… I really want to tell them, but my anxiety tells me no… I have already tried twice to commit.. and not like others, I don’t truly want to live… My father sometimes laughs at the fact that I might be depressed… Yet he doesn’t understand I am.. Sorry…
Hello Alex, Thank you for writing to us and I am sorry to hear you are in so much emotional pain right now. Our Facebook page is not meant for any type of crisis intervention, however the Lifeline crisis counselors are here for you any time day or night, every day of the year at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The call is free and confidential. Reach out and let us help you through.
I feel like i can’t go on anymore, I just don’t have the strength. I’ve been going to therapy for a few years to no effect, taking zoloft with no effect, I just feel like I am irredeemable.
Hey Miles, i just wanna let you know that you CAN go on! Im only 11 and i have suicidal thoughts, thoughts about hurting myself and yet i cover it all up.. The only person i have been able to talk to is my best friend Jorj (she’s a girl)because she has something similar yet not as bad. I’ve almost commited suicide 8+ times but im highly religious so I’m just too afraid to… however, here’s my email in case you ever wanna talk! [email protected] i know it seems that someone ‘as young as me’ wouldn’t understand but i do! you can talk to me whenever you want or if you’re ever stressed okay?
Hi. I’m Aurora. I’m 13 years old and in 8th grade. I have no friends, get bullied at school both verbally and physically, and am going through issues at home as well. Ever since I was 11 I have felt really sad, and when I was 12 it just got worse. Everyone just says I’m being overly dramatic, but I started self harming at 12 and a half and I cry myself to sleep, just not in front of my family or “friends”. I don’t want to appear weak to them. Please help me and thank you.
Hello. Im 13 years old and have been depressed for 2 years. Ive been having suicidal thoughts recentally, but I dont want to die. This year ive felt more miserable and suicidal than ever. My friends used to cheer me up but I feel like he gave up on me. Not many people care about me. Ive kinda lost all my friends haha. This week ive broken down in class 3 times (New record). If you are reading this, hopefully im not dead. I truthfully want to live. Here is my gmail if any of you would like to talk to me.
Aurora you are not alone. Just try to forget about it. It will pass belive me. Just think for a moment. Try to tell a close friend about your depression. If I care about you there are certainly more people who do too. Always remembar that you not alone and most importantly, stay positive.
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[email protected]
Hello, Im 13 as well and have had depression for 2 years. Please suicide. I care about you as well as many other people. Dont forget to
stay positive. Try to forget about it. (It works for me) I wish you all the best. Always remember that people care about you
Hi I am 11 and I feel that sometimes I can’t handle this anymore. I feel that I can’t stay in this world. I always want to commit suicide when I am have anger problems, because I hurt the people I really care about. When I hurt them I don’t know what happened till it is over. I have tried to commit suicide so many times because I can’t stand the feeling. I gone to therapy my whole life and been on medicine after medicine. I to feel better about myself for so long. But I know that I have people who care about me so I need to keep trying.
why 🙂 Every siren in my head went off. “I thought you wanted me to live! Why are you giving up on me?”
Thanks for all! I hope we did it.
if anyone wants to talk you can text me on instagram (zmad.girl) maybe we can be friends 🙂
Hi, i am 12 years old and i have had depression for 5 years but when i was 9 i started to think of suicide, at 11 i started cutting, and attempted suicide many times, i am almost always on my phone because my friends are there, and when i send them a picture of my face i can see the pain in my eyes, they always asked if i was okay because it looked like a was always crying, but the tbh i cant cry anymore, i mean i can, i have here and there but i almost always cry, no i get in trouble a lot, i disappoint my parents, i tried to starve myself but my friends made me eat, but then they stopped, so i barely ate maybe a small bite a day or every other day. i wasnt really losing weight and it mad me mad, so i stopped eating period. i get bullied for being fat, i have chubby fingers, and my family always mad fun of them, im still struggling with all of these problems but im now eating right and thats about it, i still think of suicide and now people think its for attention but its whatever. who ever goes through this or every has im sorry and i believe in you and im proud of you all
I’ve read quite a few of the replies in this thread and I hope that everyone here finds happiness. My boyfriend’s best friend had recently passed away from suicide and it hit him hard. It’s hard to see someone you love in such pain. I just want everyone to know here that you’re are not alone. I hate how so many people undermine the feelings of youth when they really should be taken seriously. If anyone needs someone to talk to feel free to email me at any time at [email protected]. I just want to be there for anyone who needs it, I love all of you guys and know that pain isn’t forever, things will get better <3
Thanks for sharing this.
I’m 12 right now and I have been thinking about Suicide for some time now.
When there was a guest speaker at our school who told us about it, I thought that was- what? Why would anyone want to die when life is so great. That was what I felt as a kid.
Recently I keep thinking about death. It was not like anyone died, or I had any arguments. I just- didn’t see the point of life. Why should I live through all this pressure and pain, when no one will remember me? Why do I have suffer from over working into late nights, just to die someday?
I see many who are feeling the same, but I’m not brave to tell anyone in real life about this. Can someone- please- positive vibes? Please someone tell me about the reason to live, why is it important.
Thank you for reading this…
Liliah- I feel you. ive been depressed both clinically and in my opinion for about 7 years (im 16) and have learned throughout the years that there are so many more people rooting for you than you think. To answer why you should live- i learned that its something you have to figure out for yourself. A passion you have, a dream you want to see come through, or just friends that you want to be with for the rest of your life.
Positive vibes to you bud, you got this!
Liliah. You are special and you belong in this world. Their are people who love you all around you. I don’t know if you believe in god, but if you do I will pray for you. Your Heavenly Father/God loves you and so do I!
Also Liliah I am 12 too. One of my friends has attempted 3 times. It has been hard for them and me! The point of life is to live! To follow your dreams and to have friends and experiences. To have fun with your family and figure out who you are. You are special. You can do this! I believe in you and I KNOW that there are people out there who love you. Stay strong!
I am only 13 and I have attempted 4 times. I cut every day but each time I would say I’m depressed, have anxiety, or be suicidal my parents always say “it’s for attention” and “when we do something fun you don’t want to die”. My mom took away my phone, I can’t even talk to anyone for help. I am a walk away from my ED, I might go there soon, it’s too much. I have bad trust issues so I can’t talk to anyone. I’m days away from dying.
if you are still here. i know.
i am thinking to do it.
i think my parents might be abusive. they call me things, hit me. life just don’t make sense. that isn’t the worst part.the worst part is keeping a mask. not letting anyone know the pain.
i just don’t care anymore. the only reason im still alive is because of my friends in school. they are the hilight of my life right now.
i want to live. someone,help.
Hi, I’m from the comment above
I think that might be the case at my house too. The same things are happening here and because of that, I cut. I regret so much that I started it, but the mental pain was so much I had to start. I cut because of my parents. We will get through this together. And whenever you feel suicidal, remember, I’m still here. I’m alive, in the same situation as you.
Best of luck,
Emily
I’m 14 and have been stressed for a while. Only recently (a handful of times this month) have I had thoughts of suicide.
I’m confused. I’d hate to jump to conclusions and call myself depressed, but I really don’t think that stress should make you unable to relax. I don’t think stress should you unable to let your mind wander for even a moment before wishing you were never born. I don’t think stress makes you pray to God, with tears in your eyes, begging to not wake up in the morning. I don’t think stress makes you wonder if any pills in the bathroom cupboard are capable of killing you. I don’t think stress makes you await the day that you’re in possession of a gun so that you can pull its trigger.
Everything feels so strange and so wrong. The more I think, the worse it gets. Everything feels so pointless. I don’t matter, the things I do don’t matter, the people around me don’t matter.
The only things stopping me from hurting myself are my cowardice and my family.
I’m too scared to hurt myself. I’m a coward. I’m afraid of pain.
My family is so, so precious to me. I feel so blessed to have people around me who actually care, who I know for a fact love me. So, every time I think about hurting myself or dying, I think about what would happen after. What would my mom, my dad, my brother, and everyone else do if I just didn’t wake up one day? Would they blame themselves? Would they hurt themselves too? Would they ever get better?
Thinking about stuff like that prevents me from doing anything, but I can only wonder how long it will last. Will I eventually stop caring?
Although I haven’t been diagnosed, I’m pretty sure I have social anxiety. I’m incapable of doing simple things like ask a stranger a question or even look them in the eyes. I feel stupid, worthless, and weak. I can only imagine how pitiful I look hyperventilating over being asked to ask that employee over there for a different sized shoe. Real story. That’s also when my mom realized I had anxiety. She’s been trying to get me a therapist, but it’s been a long while and I have yet to meet one.
I haven’t told anyone about my suicidal thoughts, even though I know I should. I’m afraid of being ignored, of stumbling on my words, or being misunderstood. I’d feel humiliated. I’m afraid to be told: “You’re just being dramatic.”
I don’t know what to do or where to go. Who do I talk to when I don’t want to talk? Writing everything down really helps get rid of the stress and all the pain.
I know I shouldn’t bottle this up. Writing this down, knowing someone has actually read up to this point, makes me feel a little better. There are people who feel just like I do, I know that.
Whenever my thoughts go astray, I try to catch it as soon as I can. I distract myself so I don’t think too much (music really, really helps).
Sometimes when I’m feeling really bad, like today, I really just can’t take it. I can’t stop myself from thinking and I’m too tired to do anything. Those days come and those days pass. I know this won’t be forever. So, I just try and get through the day.
I really hope future me, if there is one, has a good life. I don’t want to ruin her chances at happiness by giving up. If I want the future me to have a happy life, then I have to keep going. I have to make sure the building blocks are there for her to use.
If you read to this point, thanks.
Don’t lose hope.
Wow! Thanks, Ari! That was very encouraging! All of that is so true, I also feel the same way!
Hey I’m 15 and feel the exact same way as you. I haven’t really seriously told people about my thoughts of suicide. I confide in my sister with pretty much everything, but she got a new job so I feel like we don’t talk anymore. I haven’t talked to her, like actually talked to her, in at least a month. My suicidal thoughts started I think a few months ago, but I can’t pinpoint when. They were just sorta there. I have thought about cutting as well but I’m scared to do it because of growing up in church. I don’t want to let God down. And I feel like I would be doing that. I also don’t want to let my family down, but it feels like my family is falling apart because my mom wants a divorce from my dad and has told me and my sister all about it. I don’t want to leave them during this time, but I also don’t know how to live. I feel judged in everything and can’t cope. I act like a weird person with no self-control. I deal with bullies at my school and yet still seem to have lots of friends. I don’t think my friends understand. My mom says she is gonna get me a therapist but that isn’t working. I haven’t even heard of a place she’s looking into. My family is great and so are my friends but I feel like I am living outside my body and don’t know them or who I am. I feel this cloud of hopelessness over me. I can’t stand it and want it to go away. But back to the point I also am scared to do anything. I can’t bring myself to do it, because I know I will regret it. I tend to do this thing though where I think about it and don’t do it for a while and then one day I have to do it to prove myself wrong, and it always goes the way I thought it would. I’m starting to think I might get to that point with how I feel about cutting, or even suicide. I’m really scared.
Ari, I want you to know that reading your comment made me feel free to share my story. I hope you are doing well. I feel the same as you and it feels so good to know someone out there, so close in age, feels what I feel, because I feel truly alone. I hope you don’t get to the point of no return. You seem like an awesome person. I hope your life is great. I love you!
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I have had suicidal thoughts. I just feel so lonely. I don’t have energy like I used to. Everyone thinks I’m fine but when I’m alone I cry and just wonder how long can I be like this. I lie every day saying I’m fine, never was this great. I think I am doing fine but then I just fall right back. I have had “friends” but when I need them they leave, and that hurts. I just wanna yell and cry. I’ve wished I could fall asleep and never wake up. Everything about myself I HATE. People get mad at me when I get things wrong and are so fu**ing nice when they need me. Im tired of all that stuff. I lost my best friend I lay there at night wondering what the hell was i thinking. Its like i am walking around with a monster inside of me that hurts me everyday and it just wont leave me alone.
My eyes well up as I type this. I’ve never felt this low in my entire ife. Currently, I am living out my worst nightmare (how many times has that been said bahaha). Before I segway into that, I’ll give you a little background on who I am. Name’s Joseph. Green eyes, brown hair, skinny build. I’m about 5’11. I just turned 15 last October. I’m in the 10th grade. Ever since I was a wee child, I’ve had ginormous dreams. I’ve always been a creative kid and I have a knack for creative writing and music (I’ve been playing bass guitar and saxophone for 6 and almost 2 years, respectively). I haven’t given up, well, maybe until now, and I’ve prided myself on that. Ironically, almost every time I try to do something right or express myself in some way, I fail, and it all comes crashing down. Even the little things hurt. Especially the little things. I’ve never figured out if I have or have ever had depression or anxiety or any mental illness for that matter, mostly because one talk with my parents about it usually does it for the night. That’s not to say they are horrible at all, no. My parents are some of the most loving and caring people in the world. I feel sick even having to type this but, I’ve reached the end of a long downward spiral and I might as well go ham. Often times, no, almost my entire life I have felt like a ghost. A shadow, a shade in the world. Yeah, I’ve accomplished some stuff and yeah, I’ve made some friends, but nothing significant has ever taken place. I go out seeking for help from friends or people I know and it almost feels shallow. Almost as if they don’t care. I’ve hit rock bottom and now I’m reaching out into a void and I don’t know if anything is going to touch my hand to tell me everything is going to work out. Sometimes I think to myself about reaching out to others and really just pouring it out but based on experience before, I’d rather not flood a dam with tears so I wouldn’t have to face the shield of indifference. I just hope that these words can reach someone, somewhere, and maybe help them, and maybe, just maybe, help me. I know I’ve been rambling on for so long and it seems as though this may be the longest entry on this page but I really have just decided to end it all. It’s just too much. It’s just too much. I was dumped in the first week of my sophomore year and the same happened today. She’s such a beautiful person and we share the same struggles and it’s such a pain to let her go. I know she’s dealt with suicidal thoughts before and still does and for a long time we’ve been each other’s rock and each other’s cold pillow in the dead night. It aches me to come to terms with this, but her and I are over. I told myself that if we ever split up that it would be the end, the end of everything, the end of my life and the end of my future. Now here I am, living a bad dream, toll due, watching a rising fire as my future and dreams die in the wake of…….. misunderstanding? I don’t know. I’d love to think that she was just not mature enough to continue on with our relationship and that she just didn’t want our honeymoon phase to end. We’ve loved each other for so long, longer than past exes that it’s like having a black hole finally end a galaxy’s worth of time in the centre of my heart. Knowing that she’ll be moving on with her life and seeing me as a friend hurts even more. The memories, the hugs, the little arm tugs, the walks in the hallways, they’re all still fresh in my mind. Homecoming was last week and the dance was the greatest night of my life. I almost cried tears of joy laying in her arms. Knowing that I have to walk the same ground as her tomorrow makes me want to end it all. I’m sorry for this. I’m sorry to you. I know that there are many others like me out there and all I hope for is a peaceful advent for all of us to somehow rise from our holes and cry once again some golden tears of joy. I love all of you guys. Maybe this will reach somebody. Maybe it won’t. I just had to put this out there because right now, I have no idea what the hell I’m going to do….
Hey, I’m 15 and am reading all of your comments and I’m realizing I am not alone.
My heart beats fast whenever I think about my stress or problems, so I shove it down. I think I am worthless. I also lie to myself and say what I’m going through doesn’t matter. This is the first time ever going on a site about these feelings and writing a comment. I just started high school and feel stressed about image and personality as well as school. I think terrible about myself, but haven’t tried to commit suicide, though I have thought about it. This site makes me want to keep fighting. I don’t feel as alone.
Also, to all of you here on this site talking about your struggles, wherever you are, and whoever you are, your feelings matter, you matter. Don’t tell yourself you aren’t significant because you are. You are loved by people all around the world. You are not alone. Please keep fighting. Don’t give up. I love all of you and hope you are doing better.
Wow it’s Really nice information sir ji a lot of
Its a great thing that you mentioned in the article.. What a nice read..
Everything will get better if you trust yourself.
Everything will be okey. I’ve been to dark places too. Hold on tight!
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I’ve been to dark places too. Hold on tight
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Thanks for sharing your story. Pool Deck Finishing
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Thank you for sharing your story. Pls reach out to people who truly understand and love you. Good luck!
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Great article to read for people having life troubles. Thanks for the inspiration!
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I wish you a full recovery, Noelle. Asking for help and admitting that your going through something is nothing to be ashamed of. Your family will definitely be willing to help you until you get better.
Thank you for sharing this information with us .
Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Appreciate you sharing your story to us
I feel how hard your situation is. Hoping for your healthy recovery.
Life isn’t easy for anyone, hope you stay well and healthy.
You need to stay strong and keep fighting, this world isn’t fair but you must keep a strong head and seek support wherever you can. Get through this!
Stay strong. We are rooting for you.
Stay strong. I have been in your situation before. Your closest family and friends will be there for you
Thank you for sharing. Life is tough. Even though you may think someone has it all or is living the perfect life, just know that most people are going through something.
Keep up the good fight
I admire your bravery. Keep it up
Recovery is possible, just keep fighting. Reach out to people who can help you.
this was so inspirational. keep fighting.
This was a very inspirational article. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story.
I feel like i have never been lower in life right now. I dont have any friends, my grades aren’t exactly average. My parents probably hate me, my mom took everything away, including drama, which was the only thing that made me feel like me. I haven’t made myself throw up in a while, but I miss the control I felt then and I need to do it again. I have this problem where I will be so erradically happyfor a period. It’s like a rush of life and I feel so, so good. Sometimes it lasts days, weeks, even months before I crash. It’s like this voice in the back of my mind resurfaces, I hate myself, I feel like giving up. And the best part is that it seems like these crashes are caused by nothing. My mom notices them, she pulls me aside and demands that I tell her whats wrong, and it leads me to come up with anything to blame. The last time, I blamed on lack of acknowledgement from her. This obviously is, while definitely making me feel down, not the reason, as I’ve said. But she’s taken this as me looking for attention. SHe says it must be nice to “turn my depression on and off”. That isn’t it, though. I can’t control this. I think the only thing I can do now is end my life. I just need everything to end, and I want to sleep forever
Thanks for sharing great life lessons! It inspires me to be a better person.
Recovery is possible; continue to fight. Contact those who can assist you.
Inspiring. Thanks for sharing your journey
This is a very motivating article. I think it can help more people to persevere. Very much shared by the author.
Your story is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing.
Keep up the great fight. Praying for your success.
Your story is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing. We see many of our patients at our chiropractic clinic going through their struggles.
Very interesting stuff to read.
Excellent ! I personally like your blog and waiting for more articles like this
Inspirational article, time well spent on the knowledge and understanding I get from here.
Inspiring story. I hope you’re doing great and keep fighting!
Very informative great effort
Very informative great efforts sir
Thanks for sharing some great life lessons! It inspires me to be a better person.
Thanks a lot for being an inspiration. Keep it up!
i don’t deserve to live no one love me.
wow such a nice post please keep posting
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Thanks for sharing, hoping you’re doing well. We take mental health very seriously!
I hope you got the help that you needed!
Thats an amazing piece in this era of time!
Great article so far thanks for the details!
Inspiring and helpful website. Worth visiting!
Good read to further understand others that are going through this.
I feel worthless and everyone is ignoring me and life sucks and i dont feel anything anymore. and when i was just about done a couple of months ago i met someone who became my best friend and they literally saved my life and now they hate me and everyone is ignoring me and i always do the wrong thing and bring trouble to everyone.
I feel worthless and everyone is ignoring me and life sucks and i dont feel anything anymore. and when i was just about done a couple of months ago i met someone who became my best friend and they literally saved my life and now they hate me and everyone is ignoring me and i always do the wrong thing and bring trouble to everyone.
Emma, thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you’ve been going through a hard time. Please remember that you have worth and that if you need some extra support you can dial 988. We are here for you 24/7.
I’m always breaking rules and getting grounded, and my dad is abusive and hits me when I’m with him. My parents divorced when I was 3 months old and none of my parents are good parents. My mom is very strict and my dad is abusive. Sometimes I feel like ending it all. I have a crippling gaming addiction that I can’t fix and I lie to my therapist because I don’t want her to hear I’m a bit suicidal. I just really need someone to talk to, since my parents are no good.
Tony, thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you’re going through a hard time and need someone to talk to. Please call us by dialing 988, we’re available 24/7. If you are outside of the US please visit this site for resources in your area: https://findahelpline.com/.