All Trauma is Valid

CW: Mentions of PTSD, details of car accident.

A couple of years ago, I was in a severe car accident. I was left with medical complications, went through emergency surgery, and spent the night alone in the hospital due to COVID-19 restrictions. 

After successful surgery and finally reuniting with my family, I was faced with retelling the story to the insurance companies. Something that will always stick with me was one insurance representative who was brought to tears after seeing the photos of my car. He told my mom that I shouldn’t have survived the accident and that it was the worst damage he had ever seen. He claimed that I must still be on this Earth for a reason. That statement filled me with so much gratitude and also so much guilt for what had happened. Thankfully, no one else was seriously injured, but I still struggle to this day with shame and self-blame. 

I was tearful the first time I was driven past the scene after the accident and many times after that. I was able to complete physical therapy earlier than expected and drove again with little to no fear. Because of my quick progress and the fact that I could return to my routine relatively quickly, I felt like I was over it. I returned to school in person after one semester of medical leave and did not experience many lingering feelings surrounding the accident. 

That was until I started experiencing flashbacks and nightmares around the one-year anniversary of the accident. I was reminded of the smells I sensed when the airbags went off and the engine fell out. I tried to bury these feelings because I could not understand why they were coming up all of a sudden. I began to journal my feelings and reach out to the passenger who was in the car with me (let’s call them Cam) to see if they were feeling the same way. Cam expressed that they thought about the accident often, but that the symptoms that I described had worn off for them a few weeks post-accident.

 I felt so alone and didn’t know where to turn. I was experiencing what seemed like symptoms of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), but I spent months brushing this off because I felt that my trauma wasn’t legitimate. I had always assumed that PTSD could only occur in sexual assault victims or veterans: people with “real trauma”. 

I only realized that my trauma was real when I was learning about the criteria for PTSD in my Clinical Psychology class a few weeks later. My eyes began to water as my professor listed characteristics that matched my own. I went straight back to my apartment and booked a session with my therapist. I had been hiding from the truth and ignoring what I was feeling due to being ill-informed. The media portrays PTSD as an extreme reaction to a horrible incident. I had never considered that it could happen to me. 

Ever since then, I have been advocating for psychoeducation of PTSD. I have done my own research, attended individual and group therapy sessions, and have sought out a community of individuals with similar experiences. I soon realized that sharing my story emboldened others to do the same. It was so empowering when I understood that I was not alone, and neither are you. Help is always available and so many support groups exist! There are several forums for those affected by PTSD or complex-PTSD: with information, articles, research, and social channels. 

I am forever grateful for the support of my family, friends, therapists, and psychoeducation for saving my life. 

If you or someone you know is struggling with tough thoughts or emotions right now, you’re not alone. Help is available 24/7. Text or call 988 or chat online at 988lifeline.org to get connected with a trained, caring counselor.