Cultural Silence: Understanding Mental Health as a Multiracial Individual

CW: Mentions of suicide. 

“Nǐ hǎo.” Those two words are the way to greet another person in Chinese. Given that “nǐ” means “you” and “hǎo” means “good,” the greeting for saying hello actually directly translates to “you good?” or “are you okay?” This underlying meaning reflects a cultural practice of acknowledging others and expressing concern for their well-being. In Portuguese, however, the way to say hello to another person is “Olá.” The word comes from the interjection “hola” used in Old Spanish, which is itself derived from the Latin “olla,” an exclamation used to call attention, highlighting a more straightforward way of establishing connection. 

Every culture has different perspectives and approaches to interaction. As someone who is multiracial—raised in a half-Chinese, half-Portuguese household—I’ve noticed how these cultural differences in human interaction also extend to diverging attitudes towards mental health. 

On my mother’s side, my Chinese family rarely discusses mental health. For instance, my cousin has quietly struggled with depression for years. This silence might be linked to Confucian values that emphasize self-reliance and an aversion to drawing attention to personal problems. The cultural expectation of perfectionism can discourage open discussions about mental health, creating a stigma that may prevent one seeking help.

Conversely, my father’s Portuguese family is socially active, often gathering to talk and share stories. Yet, this openness doesn’t necessarily extend to mental health. In fact, discussions about mental well-being are often even more taboo on this side of the family. Despite knowing that relatives on this side have struggled with serious mental health issues—such as my grandmother, who died by suicide, and my father, who also battled depression and ended his life—there is still a profound silence. This may be a coping mechanism, but it also raises questions about cultural factors that contribute to this silence.

Given that both sides of my family struggle with discussing mental health, I’ve become interested in investigating what drives this silence on not just one side of my family but both my Chinese and Portuguese sides? 

One common thread I’ve noticed between the two sides of my family is their immigrant backgrounds. Research suggests that immigrant families, who often face significant hardship, are more likely to struggle with mental health challenges, possibly due to intergenerational trauma.

My mother grew up in a poor, Chinese immigrant household. Her parents owned a restaurant but struggled financially. My mom’s older siblings experienced even harsher conditions during the family’s early years in the United States. The extreme hardships they faced likely contributed to their mental health challenges, which were largely unspoken during that time. The coping mechanisms of silence normalized by my mom’s siblings may have been passed down to the next generation, including my cousins.

Similarly, my father was raised by a Portuguese immigrant father. Growing up in a tough Oakland neighborhood during a time of street and gang violence, my father’s childhood was marked by constant stress and danger. These traumatic experiences likely shaped his mental health journey. Both my mother and father’s backgrounds, taken together, suggest that a mix of cultural norms and the immigrant experience contribute to the silence and stigma surrounding mental health.

Recently, I’ve been working to initiate conversations about mental health not just in my community (as many mental health advocates aim to do) but within my own family as well. While we might be far from discussing these topics at the Thanksgiving table, progress is being made. In my mom’s family, we’ve begun referencing mental health in email chains and text messages. Last May, during AANHPI Heritage Month, CBS invited me to speak about mental health, and I asked my uncle—my mom’s brother—to join me in discussing the issue within our Chinese family. On my dad’s side, as we continue to grieve my father’s loss, there are still quite a ways to go to break down the stigma, but we are also starting to open up about this heavy topic. 

Navigating the various facets of our identities—our complex pasts, our family trees, our intergenerational stories—can be daunting. But understanding our family backgrounds and collective histories can empower us. We can acknowledge intergenerational trauma or cultural norms that have been passed down and still claim our agency to shape our futures. Whether you greet others by saying nǐ hǎo, olá, or something else, always strive to embrace the difficult conversations around mental health.  

If you or anyone you know is struggling with substance use or an emotional crisis, help is available. Text or call 988 or chat 988lifeline.org to speak with a caring counselor 24/7.