Finding Your Preferred Coping Mechanisms

CW: Mentions of self-harm.

As someone who has struggled with mental illness for most of my life, I have used many different coping mechanisms—both healthy and less healthy for me. For some, it can feel embarrassing or shameful to talk about their unhealthy coping mechanisms due to fears of being judged or not feeling understood by others. “Can’t you do something else?” “Doesn’t that just make it worse?” In short, yes, but it’s a complicated yes.

The first step to identifying my coping techniques was to understand what I needed to deal with my daily stress and anxiety. Once I started going to therapy, I identified my personal coping mechanisms–both my healthy and less healthy ones. Some coping skills that I considered healthier for me included deep breathing, working out, and distracting myself. On the other hand, there were things I found less helpful for me, like disassociation, catastrophizing, doomscrolling, or even self-harm. Learning new coping mechanisms was difficult at first, but I worked to integrate them into my routine.

Secondly, my mental health journey helped me to realize why I resorted to some of my maladaptive coping techniques and why they didn’t help me in the long run. I disassociated as a way of escapism, but that was not reliable because eventually, I would start dissociating when I didn’t want to and couldn’t be present even when I wanted to be. I catastrophized as a way to plan possible outcomes and be prepared and “in control,” which was unhealthy because it caused severe anxiety and I wasn’t actually in control. 

I have also used dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), which focuses on four main skills: distress tolerance, mindfulness, emotional regulation, and interpersonal relationships. It was originally for borderline personality disorder patients but has expanded into treatment for anxiety and other disorders. It is often done with a therapist, but I personally used it on a smaller scale specifically to build my distress tolerance (Quinn). It helped me to see tangible skills I could build, like the “opposite response” technique, which is when you want to do something maladaptive, you notice, and do the opposite. For example, if you feel anxious and upset at a friend and you want to yell at them and then give them the cold shoulder, you acknowledge that and do the opposite, like by taking deep breaths and having a calm and productive conversation with that friend instead.

Another coping mechanism is emotional freedom technique (EFT) tapping. Recent studies have shown its effectiveness, especially in PTSD treatment, although it is still being researched compared to other therapy techniques. EFT tapping starts with identifying the source of your anxiety, focusing on one problem at a time. Assess the intensity of the feeling before and after EFT tapping to gauge how well this method works for you. EFT tapping uses “meridian points,” or high energy spots on your body, to regulate the body’s energy. It is the same concept as acupuncture, only psychologically. There are many of these points, including the eyebrows, the side of the hand, the side of the eye, the collarbone, and under the eye. The technique focuses on methodically tapping the meridian points while repeating affirmations and breathing deeply (Anthony). 

Simpler coping mechanisms should also not be overlooked. Journaling, meditation, gratitude, and exercise have helped me at times just as much as science-based therapies. Working out and distraction were my main coping mechanisms, but those aren’t always accessible with school or work throughout the day. The key is to develop a reliable toolbox of healthy coping mechanisms that can be utilized in any situation. I recommend you put effort into finding what works for you. Mental health progress isn’t linear, and it’s natural to relapse into unhealthier coping mechanisms in hard times. The important part is picking yourself up and continuing with a mindful approach and coping mechanisms that benefit you in the long run.

Works Cited

Quinn, Deborah. “DBT Skills (List): 4 Clever Coping Strategies.” Sandstone Care, 2023, sandstonecare.com/blog/dbt-skills/.

Anthony, Kiara. “EFT Tapping.” Healthline, Healthline Media, Dec. 2017, healthline.com/health/eft-tapping#bottom-line.