For you, Auntie

I wrote the following poem for my Aunt, who passed away by suicide over two years ago. Her passing was absolutely heartbreaking to my family, especially my mother, who lost her baby sister. This piece was in speaking to my Aunt, the love my mother had and does have for her, and the admiration I have for her strength.

To anyone grieving a loved one who passed in this way, I send you so much love.

I don’t think I could ever know you how my mother did.

Despite this, I love you for who you were, and how thoroughly you allowed yourself to be. 

My babies will learn about you; your prowess and might, your absolute grit, your handiness in balancing rocks on a back you didn’t recognize, and the sheer work of art that you truly were. 

And I am aware that the flaws you saw in yourself were quite real to you. However, I bless them, because your beautiful spirit fought and fought with a hardness that still bled soft enough to remedy others.

My mother bleeds for you, and although she always will, I give her back any blood she may miss because your heart is pumping in everyone else she loves now. 

I am so deeply sorry you felt the need to leave; I will love your spirit into every life and hope to every possible god that makes you feel a little less blanketed in that sadness.

I miss you for all you were, and I miss you for all you had to have been to love yourself in a way that gave so exponentially.

And I know, that you’ll meet us all there, while we climb the mountain of mountains. 

I love you.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with substance use or an emotional crisis, help is available. Text or call 988 or chat 988lifeline.org to speak with a caring counselor 24/7.