Separating College Admissions From Your Sense of Self-Worth

Since middle school, I’ve fantasized about applying to colleges, even though I had no career plans that required a degree. The whole process seemed mesmerizing to me, but at the time, I couldn’t understand why seniors stressed over their applications and essays. After five challenging years, I am now a senior applying to three colleges, and going through the process firsthand has shown me just how stressful the college application journey can be.

When I open TikTok, I am flooded with videos about what each grade should be doing to get into a top school. They cover everything: ideal classes for each grade, what’s considered “behind” in the process, how to make your college essay unique (but not too personal), what extracurriculars to include, unweighted vs. weighted GPAs, ACT scores, national or state awards, and of course, your community impact. 

It’s a nonstop feedback loop reminding high school students that everything they’re doing probably isn’t enough. The focus is never on taking care of yourself and giving yourself grace. Instead, it pushes students to strive for perfection–an unrealistic and unattainable goal.

It doesn’t help that there may be added pressure from peers and parents about which specific school you should apply to or eventually end up attending. Oftentimes, we put our health on the back burner and stress ourselves out to reach our goals.

Getting into top colleges can be challenging for many reasons, including factors beyond our control, such as financial limitations. Fortunately, there has been a shift in the job market, where experience and skills are becoming increasingly valued over traditional markers of prestige, like the college you attended. I’m hopeful that this change will continue to help alleviate some of the pressures around applying.

Despite this, though, many of us still feel drawn to certain schools we dream of attending–even if it’s just to be able to say we were accepted. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, it becomes an issue when we sacrifice our health for a letter of acceptance. How you treat yourself and cope with stress can have long-term effects and consequences on your overall health.

Although I’d still love to attend a particular college, I’ve come to understand that my sense of self cannot depend on whether I’m accepted or not. Relying on something that’s in the hands of a stranger I’ve never met is an unstable foundation for self-worth. I can do everything “right” for a college to get accepted, but ultimately, it’s the application reviewer who decides whether or not I even get waitlisted. It’s not just merit, extracurriculars, and impact. Getting into a specific college depends on a lot of different factors.

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still follow your dreams. Aiming for a specific school, no matter the cost, is not a bad thing. I think it is important to have goals, regardless of how specific they are. But if those goals lead you to sacrifice your health–nutrition, movement, sleep, socialization, or other rejuvenating activities–it’s a sign that it may not be worth it. These sacrifices can lead to health consequences or disordered behaviors that can be difficult to recover from, and that can affect your experience in school, work, relationships, and life.

Even if pressured by others, getting into a specific college or attending a particular university doesn’t determine your worth as a person. Always prioritize yourself, because the consequences of neglecting your well-being far outweigh the disappointment of not getting into a Top 25 school. There’s more to life, education, and self-worth than any one institution.