Finding Holiday Harmony

Hi friends! I’m sure we’ve all struggled to cope with a difficult relative over the holidays – I know I have – so, I wanted to come up with some tips on how to reflect on our family time during the holidays. No matter what you celebrate, the size of your family, or the difficulties you experience, you deserve to have a happy holiday experience! Here are some tips on how to come to peace with whatever difficult family situations you experienced over the holidays:

Keep Your Cool

Whenever you sense yourself becoming irritated or uncomfortable with a family member, whether that be because you are recalling frustrating experiences or because you have been experiencing them since the holidays, take a deep breath. Find the things that help you calm down, some examples are;

• Take a walk (if the weather allows!)
• Spend time with people who make you happy
• Spend some time inside doing things that make you feel at peace
• Play a fun game
• Read a book

There are a million things you could do instead of getting worked up, not that it’s always easy. Sometimes it feels impossible to calm yourself down, but you just have to find the things that make you feel peaceful and happy!

Take Care of Your Needs

This is a critical aspect of enjoying your holiday experience, during and after, that people always tend to feel guilty about. You have to realize, it’s your holiday too! It’s not all about anyone, it’s about you enjoying yourself and being able to look back and be satisfied with the way your holiday turned out. No one else should dictate how happy you are. So if you need to distance yourself from some people or take some breathers sometimes, then that is so okay!

Focus on the Good

Maybe the good is a fun relative or a cool gift or meeting your new niece, maybe the best part was the food. Whatever was good about your holiday, always remember to take that into consideration whenever you’re reflecting on your holiday. It’s okay to be frustrated or upset, but you have to try and take something good away from every experience too.

Don’t Take the Bait

Difficult relatives may seemingly bait you into creating a negative experience like an argument. They can do this during holiday gatherings, and oftentimes they continue to bug you afterward. Sometimes, they just want to provoke you and make things seem like they’re your fault, other times they just want the attention that comes with inciting these incidents. Though it can be hard, you can’t give in to the issues others are trying to cause, you just have to be the bigger person and not let your feelings or anger get the best of you. 

Redirect the Conversation

Oftentimes difficult people have an unfulfilled desire to be included or part of a group, so giving them something helpful to do or steering the conversation away from the topic they brought up can sometimes help. If you keep them interested in a different topic, you can take that experience from negative to enjoyable very quickly. Sometimes, putting in the effort to connect with a difficult family member can make all the difference. This can continue on throughout more than just a few holidays, this is a super handy tool to use whenever you’re dealing with a frustrating relative!

No matter what you experience throughout your holidays and in the time after, just remember that your feelings matter and that you can always use these tools to help you out!

Reflecting on the holidays can sometimes be even harder than the holiday gatherings themself, but by being mindful and using these tools, you can look back and be at peace with whatever happened, and whatever there is to come. You’ve got this friend!