Clear Signals: How to Communicate Expectations Without the Guesswork

The holiday season is upon us, and with so many potential interactions, clear communication is key. This blog will recount my personal struggles with expecting people to read my mind by exceeding my expectations. I will also integrate how the holiday season exacerbates this counterproductive mentality and ways I have figured out how to communicate my wants and needs better. 

For much of my life, I’ve had an unspoken belief that the people around me should simply know what I want and need without communication. Whether it was expecting my friends to remember my favorite candy or assuming my family could guess how I wanted to spend the holidays, I often found myself disappointed when others didn’t meet my unvoiced expectations. The truth is, I wasn’t setting anyone up for success. I was setting myself up for frustration.

With its pressure to be festive and perfectly attuned to everyone’s desires, the holiday season only exacerbates this mentality. Suddenly, there are a dozen unwritten rules about how gifts should be chosen, meals should be shared, and time should be spent. I’d find myself silently hoping that others would just know the perfect way to make the season magical for me, but when they didn’t, I’d retreat into disappointment and confusion. 

It took me a while to realize that expecting people to read my mind was not only unrealistic but also counterproductive. No one can be expected to meet an unspoken need, and the holidays are a time when communication — clear and direct — is especially important. I began to recognize that when I actually communicated my desires, whether through a simple conversation or a shared wishlist, I wasn’t just helping others; I was also alleviating my own frustration.

One of the best things I’ve done recently is learning to express myself more openly. Instead of silently hoping my family would plan the perfect holiday dinner, I started saying, “I’d really love it if we had an alternative meal that I like.” Instead of waiting for a gift to magically appear, I’ve learned to give suggestions, not just hints. By sharing what I want and need, I’m creating an environment of mutual understanding, where my expectations don’t feel like a weight on others, but a shared opportunity to connect.

In the end, the holiday season isn’t about mind-reading or expectation-fulfillment; it’s about thoughtful, deliberate communication. By embracing this mindset, I’ve not only reduced my stress but also enhanced the connections I have with the people around me. And this year, instead of waiting for people to exceed my expectations, I’ll be working together with them to create something that truly meets all our needs.

If you or someone you know is struggling with tough thoughts or emotions right now, you’re not alone. Help is available 24/7. Text or call 988 or chat online at 988lifeline.org to get connected with a trained, caring counselor.