Overcoming Perfectionism

Since elementary school, I’ve been a perfectionist with a strong work ethic. Some of my earliest memories go back to kindergarten, where I would volunteer to help my teacher clean up supplies from the day. Over time, my desire for perfection intensified. I wanted to be remembered as a student who worked harder than anyone else. 

Perfectionism is hard to overcome. According to PsychCentral, it’s linked to multiple mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It’s something that you might have lived with for many years. It may even feel safe to you. But in the long run, addressing your feelings related to perfectionism and self-worth can enhance your quality of life. 

By the time I got to high school, my perfectionism had become all-encompassing. I would break down and feel like a failure if I got anything below an A. My life became consumed by school and sports; I felt compelled to be the best in the classroom, the pool, and on the track. 

The instant gratification of winning a race or getting a perfect grade kept me going. However, the feelings of joy were fleeting. I soon realized that I had a much deeper issue: low self-esteem. My self-worth was deeply tied to my success in school and sports, as my identity depended on me being a successful student-athlete.

It continued when I went to college. I ran at a Division I school and pressured myself to get a 4.0 every semester. During this time, my mental health plummeted. I was diagnosed with a variety of mental illnesses after hitting what I thought was rock bottom. I was severely depressed and hanging on by a thread during my senior year. However, I never allowed myself to stop turning in homework or miss a practice because of my mental health. 

I remember sitting in my therapist’s office the week before graduation crying. I told her I was named the 2023 Salutatorian of my college and would graduate with a 4.0. Sitting in her office with tears streaming down my face, I realized I would have to change my idea of self-worth. Most of my life was spent in a state of chronic stress and anxiety hoping I would feel like I was enough. Despite reaching the goal I had always wanted, I felt empty. Now, I look back and wonder why I put myself through that to get perfect grades. 

When I decided to go to graduate school to get a master’s degree in journalism, I promised myself that this time would be different. Before going, I reminded myself that I was more than my grades. I was a person, a family member, and a friend.

When my first round of grades came in after a difficult summer semester, I stared at the B+ on my computer screen. For the first time, I didn’t cry. I smiled. The weight and expectation of getting a 4.0 in grad school was gone. I worked hard in that class and did my best with every assignment. I couldn’t have done any more and I felt satisfied with my grade. 

For the rest of the year, I shifted my mindset. According to PsychCentral, challenging your thoughts, allowing yourself to make mistakes, and altering your negative self-talk can help you cope with perfectionism. Slowly, I became less attached to my grades and cared more about the work and experience I got in each course.

I also learned to set reasonable goals for myself and break down tasks. As a perfectionist with anxiety, I often put off tasks because I have an all-or-nothing mindset. By setting time aside for specific tasks, I feel less overwhelmed throughout my days and weeks. Lately, I also try to set boundaries with my work to avoid burnout. For me, that looks like turning down extra assignments and stopping work after midnight. While the steps to overcoming perfectionism can look different for everyone, learning to accept mistakes is key. 

To break the cycle of perfectionism, start by recognizing your tendencies and allowing yourself to make mistakes. With time and practice, you may notice an improvement in your well-being. I know I did. Today, I am more compassionate towards myself by finding joy in the journey rather than just the outcome.