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Growing up, I never thought I was gay. As a child, surrounded by the stories of Disney princesses and The Notebook, I developed romantic tunnel vision, seeing the only path to happiness as one that ended like the stories I so happily devoured. My avid imagination spurred my fantasies into intricate tales of me and my prince, happily together in a stone cottage overlooking the sea, surrounded by our prodigious ginger children. My naturally introverted nature strengthened my dependency on these fairy tales. I believed everything that wasn’t falling into place now, would when I was older.

I was fourteen when I met Rachel. What I felt for her would take almost two years to say out loud. During this time, I learned first hand the difficulties, and misconceptions, of coming out to myself and to others. There is not one way to accept yourself, as there is not one way to fall in love, or to be happy, or to pick your favorite color. This is the most frustrating advice, as it seems like an overgeneralized, detached statement about a very personal experience. Often times it’s misinterpreted to mean you will have to face your journey alone.

But it is neither of these things. Although you will have to make a personal journey, you do not have to go about it by yourself. In fact, it’s often very helpful and comforting to have an ally during that time. It can be a close friend or family member, with whom you feel safe with and encouraged by. Finding a support group or club can also be helpful to find people who personally understand what you’re going through. If none of these options are available, turn to your computer. The internet has allowed for the creation of hundreds of online communities and support systems. Organizations such as The Trevor Project also provide assistance through internet chat and other resources.

It may seem like a very scary thing to externalize what you are feeling when you are questioning. By saying, “I might be queer,” you are not labeling yourself as LGBTQ, and vice versa. If you talk about what you are experiencing, you may be able to better understand yourself. Know that coming out to yourself is going to most likely be strange, emotional, and in no way perfect. There is no rational way of going about it. Love is possibly the most irrational element of human nature, and knowing who you love corresponds with that. It is easiest to go about sexuality with an open mind. Love and hate do not mix well together, and trying to find your orientation while surrounded by negative thoughts can be very difficult.

In the end, coming out will be what it will be. There’s days when I wake up and wish that I wasn’t gay. But when those times happen? I make myself look back at how unhappy I was before I came out, and then I continue to enjoy the simple beauty of being able to be myself.

A couple days ago, the girl I am dating gave me a book. It’s a modern version of Cinderella, where a girl falls in love with a female warrior. Maybe I couldn’t get my prince, but I found there’s lots of other fairy tales I can create for myself.

…And so can you.


Comments

98
  • Rrrrr

    Rrrrr Rrrrr

    Reply Author

    I wished that i can be this honest i wish i had someone to make me feel everything is gonna be just fine its really lonely and darkk in here everyday is harder i wish u would always be happy and wishh god to be with u and to forgive u and forgive us for our sins

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    • You Matter

      Rrrrr,
      We’re so sorry for all the struggles you are going through and we want to help. Whenever you’re feeling lonely, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential, and crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you. We hope to hear from you soon.

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    • Source

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      Everything is going to be alright. Just trust His process and always seek guidance from above.

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      Hope everything is fine with you right now.

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      Hey Rrrrr, I hope you’re feeling well now. I’m so sorry you felt that way. Praying for you!

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    • Ashy

      Ashy Ashy

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      Thanks

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  • jamie

    jamie jamie

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    i really want to be like u right now. i really have knife in my hand i dont know what i am going to do with my life. everyone is so mean and they hate me. god please dont make me do this

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    • Vibrant Communications

      Jamie, Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline @800-273-8255. We care about you and want to help you. Your life matters to us.

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    • brooke

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      hey jamie, how are you doing now, a year later?

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      • Vibrant Communications

        Johnny Lee, it sounds like you’re going through a lot right now – remember, the Lifeline is here for you any time day or night, every day of the year at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Don’t hesitate to call us, your life matters!

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    • may

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      hey my love, how are you doing now? <3

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      Hey Jamie I hope you’re doing well.

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      Life is full of misery and you just have to calm yourself. Think of your life’s purpose and don’t be swayed by life’s misfortune. keep on holding life.

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      Hopefully everything is fine now.

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  • Vibrant Communications

    Hello Carlos, thank you for reaching out to our community here and sharing your story. Remember that the Lifeline is here for you, 24/7/365 at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

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    • marissa

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      omg please dont do that!!!!

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  • CHey

    CHey CHey

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    I think I’m a lesbian and have attempted suicide before. A lot. (I look up to Hayley Kiyoko) I am a sophomore, when I was in eighth grade, I fell for a sophomore. She/He is a Female to Male transgender. I am still in love with her and unable to move on. My family did not like the fact that ‘she’ was a ‘girl’ and pulled me out of school and I am now online school. She treated me better than anyone ever has. I have recently been thinking about ending everything just to feel nothing at all. I don’t want to continue through this and I don’t think I can do this anymore.

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      Hello Chey, No matter how hard things are – hurting yourself is never the answer. The Lifeline is here for you any time day or night at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Don’t hesitate to call us for extra support. Your life matters!

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  • Marleen

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    hey. My name is marleen. All my life ive been fighting for my depression. I have a long story to this. If you want, you can keep reading.

    I was a very happy girl. But something took it away. I lost control of myself, And I don’t even know what kind of emotions I had. Since I moved, Everything CHANGED.
    School, Friends, everything. Everyone was being nice to me at one point. then it all vanished. Friends turned into enemies. School turned into a horror movie. I was scared of the WORLD. I would cry in the bathroom for HOURS, I just wanted to be alone. I was thinking of how happy I was , but then it all vanished. I talked to my mom and dad about my problems, they would try to help me out a little. I was scared of school. Everyone would fight with me, and bully me . for no reason. Sometimes I would cut myself. I wanted to find happiness and peace. And , still, nothing. I do not like complaining, or telling my problems to anyone. But sometimes you need to let it out. When I was 12 I would try to find a way to happiness, and I kind of did. I was deppressed since I was 11, Now im 13, And I’m finally enjoying life again. I’m as happy as a hummingbird. I got out of depression By spending time cooking with my mom, or friends & I start enjoying that fresh air. Spending to much time on your phone is waste. I would recommend to go out and eat, or read a book. Find what that path of yours wants to do. Don’t and please Don’t try to commit suicide, it will take so much valuable time of yours. If you need help, I’m right here. Or call the lifeline. ( 1-800-273-TALK- (8255). Don’t keep things to yourself. You are loved every year, every month, and every second. <3

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      Hello Marleen, Thank you so much for sharing your story and providing hope for other that things can get better. I am very happy to hear that all that you have been through that you were able to make things better for you. The Lifeline crisis counselors are here for anyone any time day or night, every day of the year at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The call is free and confidential. Reach out and let us help you through.

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    • anaya

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      wow

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  • bob

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    hi my name is bob

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    • Vibrant Communications

      Hello Bob, Thank you for writing to us Our You Matter Blog page is not meant for any type of crisis intervention, however the Lifeline crisis counselors are here for you any time day or night, every day of the year at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The call is free and confidential. Reach out and let us help you through.

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  • Carrie

    Carrie Carrie

    Reply Author

    Well, I understand what everyone is going though because, I was and still is there, I have depression and I think i’m bisexul? I don’t really know, I do have an interest toweds males and females, but I think I like females more I guess.

    Posted on

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      Carrie, if you need someone to talk to about these things, remember that the Lifeline is here for you any time day or night, every day of the year at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Your life matters!

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  • Izzie

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    Dang life can be so confusing, especially when I started realising I was Bi. I was so confused when I started liking girls because all I saw in society was boy+girl relationships, and all tv was telling me that it was non-existent. Than I started seeing LGBTQ+ groups online and like about any person like me I started joining them. I met so many amazing people like me! But every here and there I get those mean side comments like “Pick one” or “don’t have a crush on me” But I can tel all of you, love is love .

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      izzie from the gym?

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    Hey I’m isabella and i’m 9 years old i believe in god but i am bisexual and i once i came out to my mom as lesbian she did not approve at all i feel like i’m hiding in some kind of darkness. sometimes i feel as if i wanna beat someone but i know i can’t . i feel trapped and i’m always shaking when i was little since 1st grade to 4rth i had atleast 1 crush but everyone rejected me. “your too little this” “your so obnoxious” “you need to loose weight” “your too much this” they’d say. i’d cry almost every single day and every time i go on this website i feel safe and supported and i feel someone understands me.

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