When my parents divorced when I was 14, I dealt with a lot of different emotions. A lot of the wounds I had from the divorce have healed over time, but there is one thing that I’ve really struggled with. That’s the fear of getting divorced myself, and getting my heart broken the same way both of my parents did.
I’m now 21 and about to enter my senior year of college. But, I haven’t ever really been in a serious relationship yet in my life. A lot of this is because in my prime teenage years when people began dating, I didn’t think there was a point. My view on relationships was so negative, I figured they would all just end in time. I treated my parent’s relationship as sort of like my foundation for my future relationships and seeing theirs end made me feel like there was no point to dating, romance, or any type of romantic love in general.
I feel like a lot of people whose parents have divorced feel the same way as I do. They’re worried they will end up just like their parents, and their whole view of relationships in general is tainted because of it. But this past year I’ve had a sort of revelation that I’m upset took me so long to realize: I’m not my parents. I am my own person.
I can look at the good and the bad in their marriage and use it as a sort of model for what to do/not to do when I finally get in my first serious relationship. The great thing about parents is we learn so much from them, even if it’s not in the most conventional ways, like seeing their marriage end. I know that my parents had both positives and negatives in their relationship and I can take the good and the bad and form my own view on relationships.
Look, no relationship is going to be perfect, and I always have to remind myself that. There are going to be many downs to accompany the many ups. I will probably make plenty of mistakes myself when I do get married that my own kids will learn from one day as well. Take the time to focus on yourself and be the best you that you can be. In fact, being a confident and positive person may help you attract a like-minded person with whom you can build a quality relationship. Life is a learning process; you are the only person who controls your destiny- so make it the best it can be!