Stay – A Letter to You

I don’t know you.

But I do know you are tired. I know how horrible some thoughts can be. I know your pain. I know how it feels to hate going to sleep because you don’t want to wake up to see tomorrow. I know how it feels to live in a nightmare. I know how it feels to feel like a zombie with no energy. I know you live with relentless demons. I know that you spend your days trying to silence them and your nights trying to hide from them. I know the horrible, endless walks through the school hallways that you endure every morning, nearly vomiting. I know the afternoons where you’re just wishing to become invisible. I know the lunchroom stares, the wounding words behind your back, and the hateful taunts in your face. I know the incessant online trolls who hound you day and night, who abuse you from behind the anonymity of phone screens. I know it takes every bit of strength you have just to paint on a smile and pretend you’re okay, to hide how much it hurts; to act ‘normal’ like nothing is wrong. I know that all of this has left you exhausted. I know that you have numbed, hurt and starved yourself, all in the hopes that you could finally breathe again. I know that right now it doesn’t seem like that moment will ever come but I am living proof that this will come. I know that right now you’d rather leave than live.

I don’t know you.

But I am asking you to stay. You don’t realize that your suicide attempt will set in motion a ripple that touches so many people. Stay for this article. Stay for the unknown of tomorrow. If you stay, I promise your nightmares will dim. If you stay, you will see kindness and understand the small portion of hostility in this world. If you stay, you will be in awe from the beauty of nature that will take your breath away. If you stay, you will laugh so hard with your family and friends until you will cry happy tears. If you stay, you will find your purpose, your happiness and your own reality. If you stay, you will reach a spot that the sadness won’t let you see right now—you’ll reach tomorrow. Tomorrow is filled with possibility.

Please know that there will still be disappointments and heartache and regrets and mistakes. You will screw things up and be let down, you’ll face terrible pain, and you’ll wonder how you’ll ever make it through. But you will be stronger than yesterday, and you will be okay.

YOU are you.

Your feelings are real. The part you play is important. You being you IS enough. You are not your pain. You are not what has happened to you. You are not a name, a number, a body taking up too much space. You are not your years lost. You are not an empty shell. You are human, and you are real. Please stay. This is from someone who sees what you may not see from here; the future, one that will be a whole lot better with you in it. You deserve help. You deserve to love and to be loved. You deserve happiness. You deserve to be supported. Even if you feel alone, I promise you are never alone, and you are a hell of a lot stronger than you could ever imagine. This is a plea, a promise, a dare . . . Stay. Hang on. You are loved. Things will get better. Trust me. Cry and ask for help and scream into your pillow and take a deep breath and call someone who loves you. You deserve to be alive. So do I, so do you. I want you to live.  You deserve life and you are meant for life. Reach out for help and wake up tomorrow knowing that you are a survivor.

Keep fighting, fighter. You’re not done, yet!

Stay strong,
Kenz

If you or someone you know is struggling, please know that you are never alone. Help is available and there is no shame in seeking it. You can always reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text CONNECT to 741741.