The Importance of Healthy Boundaries

You only have yourself at the end of the day, or so people say. This somewhat pessimistic outlook on life has significantly affected how I view and set boundaries with people I care about. The truth is hard to swallow, so how do we know when to protect our peace and when to give it another try? This blog post will share the importance of setting healthy boundaries. 

Before diving in, it is important to understand boundaries. Boundaries in relationships are communicated needs or guidelines that help people clarify what they are comfortable with and how they expect to be treated. Boundaries might be emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual, or cultural and can apply to any relationship. They uphold personal values and priorities, safeguard well-being and mental health, and ensure relationships remain healthy and secure for those involved.

If you’re like me, you may put others ahead of yourself even when you shouldn’t. I am constantly told by my therapist, friends, and family that I am selfless to a fault most of the time. Don’t get me wrong – I admire this quality in myself. However, I’ve now come to understand the importance of self-respect. This is why understanding your needs, communicating them, and setting healthy boundaries are all important to preserving your emotional wellness.

Most recently, I went through a breakup with my boyfriend of over a year. To keep things brief, I realized we needed to end things because I kept making decisions based on my interpretation of his feelings rather than my own. I was too preoccupied with how he felt that I neglected my own emotions. This was clearly not fair to me but it was also not fair to him because it resulted in me projecting onto and coddling him. For months, we tried changing our communication styles, prioritizing each other, and countless other tips offered to us, but it took a lot for me to realize that the boundary I needed was more time and space for myself. In doing so, I prioritized myself for the first time in a long time. 

It is doubly challenging to set boundaries when there is an emotional attachment to the person or situation. My romantic relationship was filled with emotions, but I find setting boundaries with my family is even more difficult. Surely, no one likes to intentionally ruffle any feathers, but what happens when your feathers are ruffled first? To me, the responsibility is placed on you and how you react. Tone plays a large role in how you respond. For instance, my family and I like to joke around with each other. However, sometimes a joke can go too far, especially if told with a particular tone.  It was only recently that I realized we can maintain our playful dynamic while also speaking up when my feelings get hurt. 

After countless trial and error periods, I have finally concluded that setting boundaries is not a consistent feat that everyone is capable of. Every situation will vary whether personal, professional, etc. For example, setting a professional boundary is going to look a lot different than a personal one with your family or a friend. Truly, I wish I had some helpful tips to tell you all that have worked for me. Unfortunately, most of my boundary-setting knowledge is internal as what I know has not yet been fully implemented. I am working on it diligently, but for now, I do not speak up right away out of fear that something negative will happen. I think it’s important to note that how the person receiving your boundary is out of your control. The only thing we can control is ourselves and the manner in which we go about setting the boundary. 

Boundary setting is not only a give and take, but it’s experimental. It is unrealistic to assume that you will set the boundary and it will never be crossed again. Furthermore, it is unrealistic to think that you are going to set the correct boundary in the first place. You must practice patience with yourself and the person or people you are setting boundaries with. If I figure out a surefire way to set boundaries without any hiccups occurring, you all will be the first to know. For now, be patient, trust yourself, and good luck!